  Forgive me I feel somewhat sad and so I must write again. So many thing's are confusing at the moment, that it's just unreal. Gemma is the only thing that's going right at the moment and that sounds ominously like melodrama but bite me.
Of course the fact that Gemma is going right makes me think that something's "Gotta go wrong because I'm feeling way too damn good". I think that Alex makes her feel insecure just by existing albeit she doesn't understand. Alex was the ongoing love affair of my life, but she hurt me very badly. I don't think Alex understands how much she hurt me either on that note. I told her a while back that she broke my heart and she just laughed and said that we both just had to grow up a little but no I wished at the time that she would fall hopelessly in love with somebody who would cruelly lead her on and reject her. But no I'm getting side-tracked here, Alex was the love of my life, she isn't anymore. And no matter how hard I try to emphasise that point to Gemma she doesn't seem to believe me, she still wants to believe that I'll leave her for Alex.
Oh yeah and it sometimes pisses me off that she point blank refuses to admit that she's attractive, but she doesn't know that which is good otherwise she'd get sad and I'd feel bad and get guilty and masochistic. I love Gemma, love her. 
