  1 )Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. 2 )The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3 )It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4 )Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5 )We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. 6 )No one is listening until you make a mistake... 7 )It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 )If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of Bill payments. 9 )If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. 10)Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. 11)Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and other in his tribe will forse him to work long hours with little reward. 12)I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. 13)Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. 14)If at first you don't succeed, Bungee jumping is not for you. 15)Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
16)Telling a man to go to hell and making him do it are two entirely different propositions. 17)Tact is the ability to tell him to go to hell and have him be happy to be on his way. 18)There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 19)Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 20)How many of you believe in telekinesis?
Raise my hands. 21)Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 22)Remember, pain is nature's way of reminding you who's in charge. 23)Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. 24)Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays, it insists on it. 25)and a final thought for your day: Two wrongs don't make a right. But three lefts do. 
