  Disclaimer: If you are easily grossed out, read no further. Mmmmbbt. Mmmmbbt. I slowly peeled one eye open to spy my insanely loud alarm clock. 6:45 am. Even though my brain wasn't awake, my body was.
I had a choice and it was a doozy. Sleep another 15 minutes or get up and take a massive dump. I quickly choose sleep over bowel evacuation and slammed the sleep bar. 16 minutes later I was up and in the shower, having completely forgotten about my previous dilemma. 8:00 am. After a nice couple egg sandwiches I am off down the road to work.
We were having a stupid all employee meeting with some equally stupid customer so I had to be at work at 9:30 am instead of 2:00 pm. Gurgle. Gurgle, Gurgle. Well I wasn't two miles down the before my stomach started hating me. So the entire ride I let out little squeakers to keep the pressure in my gut to a minimum. I figured that after the meeting I would take care of things.
So the meeting wraps up around 11:00 am when I realize there is no possible way I am taking a dump then! Not only was one of the first shift Stuporvisors not here, meaning I got stuck doing all his work, including a weeks worth of payroll in about 10 minutes, but every single worker possible was in the shop. The bathroom traffic was way too high to pull off a maneuver like I was planning. At figured I would simply wait until first shift was out at 2:30 pm and two thirds of the bathroom patrons would be visiting their own personal thrones. To make matters worse Gerhard and I got more gas station Mac-n-cheese for lunch. So 2:30 rolls around and I end up getting extremely busy.
But instead of my problem slipping my mind, I can't get my mind off of it. It seriously felt like there was a watermelon in my colon. But I had too much stuff to do before part of my shift left for the day at 6:00 pm. Finally 6:00 rolls around, we are down to four people in the shop! I can unload this nuclear missile! I turn the corner start walking to the bathroom and who is coming the other way?
None other than the Vacuum Vaquero. But now he is wielding a mop to clean the bathroom. No fucking way I am doing that now. But on the upside by waiting I am guaranteed a clean bathroom. 6:30 pm. I'll spare you the gory details but in summary, it was awesome.
One of the best dumps ever. Standing up I figured the Cosbys are dropped off, swimming happily and all is well. I flush our industrial vacuum toilet and of course it plugs. This was a monster. Well I grabbed the plunger and was about to finish the job when I paused. I actually said out loud, "No fucking way.
" There was Bill Cosby staring at me from in the bowl. Not only that, there was Mortimer Icabod Marker. I stood stunned before jamming the plunger down on Bill as Mortimer screamed out, "Do, do, Do, do, Do, do! " (By the way, I think I may be slightly delirious from lack of sleep and being at work for a million hours. ) 
