  I actually had a really good day yesterday and was planning on writing about it. But, today I have settled into a sadness again.
There are two things which I can point to. The first is another dream about CC. Last night I had a dream of getting a list of names of people who were getting moved to the "front lines". I don't even think they have a "front lines" anymore. I think it's all radar shit. But anyways, she was one it.
I can't help but cry. For a min I tried to hold back and pull myself together, but I think it's good to feel sad sometimes. I'm trying not to surpress my emotions so much anymore. The second thing I'm upset about is my younger sister, Elaine. I love her so much, but she's really dificult. Today nothing big happened. Nothing that would constitute any kind of mention or discussion.
I met my mom and Elaine for lunch. She was really pleasent, only got pissed once and that was resolved quickly. Well, maybe two or 3 times, but I'm so used to it, it's hard to remember. Anyway, the only thing I'm sad about is that after lunch, my mom had to go to work for like an hour to check on something and I was going to go to the store really quick then go to my mom's house.
My sister went with my mom. My sister always goes with my mom. She's really clingy to her. I know that and I accept it. I just feel like I'm her sister and I don't see her nearly as often and she still always chooses to spend time with my mom. I know that Elaine doesn't like me very much. I know it and I accept it. But it never ceizes to hurt me. I don't know. I heard once that you can never force the kind of relationship you want with someone.
You have to accept who they are and what kind of relationship is possible. If you know my sister you understand. Well, maybe you don't entirly, but you have an idea. Well, I'm at my mom's house alone crying. But, I have to pull my shit together before they get here. So I better go. 
