  I 'm not sure what the Ultimate Dude J.Christ is trying to reveal to me but he's definitely sending some serious signals. (Hand clap for the alliteration there...I paid attention in English class. ) &nbsp; The past few months, I have seen almost everyone I have even been remotely romantically involved with. Guess what? There was no tingle, no jingle, no butterflies, just remorse and a big 'WTF was I&nbsp;thinking' or 'Damn, I made you look good. ' And when I say there were some throwbacks that popped up, I means some straight vintage loves.
I guess I'll do this in chronological order. Let me share. &nbsp; Ex Post Facto Sighting #1 I was riding through my soon to be former apartment complex when I spotted this half latino/half black chunky dude at the mailbox. I kept thinking to myself that I knew this cat from somewhere. The light bulb literally popped on top of the bun I've been wearing to keep from putting heat in my hair. It was CB, my grade school crush.
He was my first boyfriend. He sat next to me in Ms. Schoenster's first grade class at Alcy Optional. I remember I broke up with him because he kissed my best friend Kenya and it was public knowledge that he was about to fail the first grade. I ensued a relationship soon afterwards with...(sniggle, sniggle) his best friend CT. My vindictiveness started early. Sad, I know. When CB and I started our love affair in kindergarten, I made him fight his alter ego after school for the right to be my man.
What's even more sad is that I didn't even stay to watch the battle royale. I opted to hear the results via the grapevine the following school day. (*brushes right shoulder off. ) Nevertheless, CB had blown up the size of the Goodyear blimp...Maybe he fathered one of Kenya's three kids. Go figure! &nbsp; Ex Post Facto Sighting #2 This one doesn't even deserve embellishment.
7th grad beau. I had a thing for ruffnecks and thugs. I wanted a Tupac but got a Six-Pack...of beer that is. This dude didn't miss a meal, ya know?&nbsp;JB is&nbsp;still working at Burger King in Orange Mound with a little herbal delivery on the side, grilled up and has about two kids. Go figure! &nbsp; Ex Post Facto Sighting #3 I had my taste of the 'big love' in grammar and middle school and consequently I was coming out of the awkward stage and turning heads of the attractive finally, in high school.
On a whim, I decided to date an athlete, a basketball player to be exact. He was a starter and fairly attractive. But what I didn't know was that he wanted to compete with my heart. Notice I said not compete for my heart but with my heart. I swear this dude clung to me so much that I thought he&nbsp;WAS a vital organ for a while.&nbsp; I couldn't breathe without him being beside me. I finally mustered up the energy to break it off when I left for college.
Current Status? I saw him about two weeks ago. I was exiting Target when the security guard yelled my name. I recognized the voice immediately because I almost went into a hypothermic shock. To make a long story short, he has also gained about 30 lbs since he doesn't play ball anymore. He's divorced at 25 with a 1-year old.
Go figure! &nbsp; Ex Post Facto Sighting #4 (really #5) This person tallies in at numba 4 for a reason. It was his college football number when we were...well, I can only speak for myself...when I was in dumb love. I seriously did some stupid shit when I was with/out him. We haven't spoken since the summer of '02 neither have I seen him except for on TV Sunday afternoons. Ex post facto, I never realized that he wasn't that attractive.
He won an ESPY last night and I was embarrassed, very embarrassed to say that I once was crazy about him. He looks like he's on that Mary Kate (cocaina) or that Courtney Love (heroin) with a Furberry-ish (faux Burberry) suit on&nbsp;that looked like the blind and dead Ray Charles tailored it. I had to lift him and myself up in prayer. To make matters worse, who else but the love of his life was sitting beside him at the Kodak Theatre. His freegin' MOMMA. He was a total Momma's boy who had to talk to her at least once a day.
True Oedipus Complex. Go figure! &nbsp; Ex Post Facto Sighting #5 (really #6) I call him the Cookie Monster because he was my first... ya' know...Ineeway, he sent me a pic not long ago and I realized why I dated him. He weighs about 160 lb, wet. I guess I had got so tired of my bf's blowing up on me that I had to date somewhat quite malnourished. No attraction there, fortunately.
We talk every once in a while. He has a crazy baby mama who recently tried to kidnap junior. Go figure! &nbsp; Random Ex Post Facto Sightings... Then there are those FMFD (Free Movie, Free Dinner) guys who I only dated because I was in between lovers #1-5 or I was simply bored or I was broke as hell and needed libation and food. One is&nbsp;still a commitment phob and constantly asks my barber aunt about me, one is still in undergrad and has been for 7 years and another just moved into my apartment complex with his psycho chick. Go Figure!&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; Almighty thanks to the Father for saving me from the&nbsp;Flunky, the 8 ball lookalike, Mr.&nbsp;Aorta,&nbsp;Oedipus and the Cookie Monster.
Peace. &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 
