  Things have been just drifting along lately in this crazy river of life. On my shoddy canoe, the rate of things passing me by seems to have slowed for now (its really day to day when you're nuts). I see people I get along with, and I'm not worried about them trying to kill me like I used to be. The annual pig roast, a heralded local event thrown by a lot of my friends and acquaintances was held last Saturday. It was great, food, drink, and plenty of awkward moments, social miscues and girls who pretend they don't know you when the last time they saw you all they wanted to do was (expletive). I had a good time, and as all my friends know, I'm not the ultimate lady killer. I'm reduced to looking for sympathy because of my non existent playa level. You know, girls and friends telling you that you have the ability to lady kill, stop being so nervous, you are a good looking guy. Anyway, I'm always frozen, so imagine the glimpse of joy I felt when I laid eyes on this girl I've always liked but haven't seen in at least a year and a half. The reason why this is interesting is because she at least seems to be equally down on herself, somewhat shy and a little awkward too much like me.
Not to mention I find her very physically attractive too. I never approach girls really, I have to know them too well and by then its usually too late. She seemed very nice, she remembered who I was though I didn't want to seem creepy for remembering the last time I tried to talk to her, which was a long time ago. She has the cutest little baby voice, and it's obvious she's self conscious about it and might be under the impression that men try to take advantage of her or something.
Anyway, I didn't really talk to her until the roast was ending. Everyone was then going to migrate to the local bar, most people driving, so we decide to walk it. It was a nice summer night's stroll, and I feel like I'm a decrepit old man because I can't remember the last time I was alone, even in public, with a female who's not my sister. We come back to the bar, and everyone is kind of eyeing me, I can't tell if they're making fun of me or actually surprised or happy to see me talking to someone of the opposite sex. I think we got along great, everyone is like "get her number man", and all of a sudden she's telling me she's too old for me. Now for me, I don't have a fetish or anything, but most of the girls I've gone out with or got along with have I think only coincidentally, been older than me. Nothing ridiculous, but I think she said the difference was like 6 years. Its a shame, we were getting along and I strongly believe, like Andre 3000's new Outkast album proudly proclaims "Age ain't nothin' but a number" So now its like I'm Goo-Goo the socially inept suicidal self hating Grizzly Bear. I rubbed my eyes crawled out of my cave to talk to this chick because I just don't talk to chicks often, just to get shot down.
Now sadly I'll have to curl up and hibernate again. And because Irony never sleeps, it just naps till it can wake up and embarrass you, there also happened to be this 50-something year old local business woman in attendance. I mention this because not two nights earlier at this same bar, she was hitting on me heavily like nobody's business. I know I don't have to mention this but that never happens either. She's is very rich, flashed piles of cash falling out of her pants, tried to expose herself to me several times, etc.. It was tempting, I'll admit, I mean I am broke as hell, and I guess I did want to see if it was even possible for me to be a Gigolo for a night.
So of course everyone is like, whats the matter with you, are you gay? She's fucking rich. Jealous, they were I guess. But alas, since I do worry to much about what people think of me, it just seemed to risky. I started to feel suddenly nauseas so I literally ran home (this happens a lot for no reason lately, the urge to puke and go home).
End of story, right? Wrong. This night of the pig roast that I'm in the bar with this girl, this old woman, perhaps miffed at my rejection, is now claiming I fucked her, that I've been "inside her", and hinting that she wants to start a scene. For some reason everyone thinks I actually did this and starts giving me the "tsk tsk" look. WTF?
She's staring at this girl I'm trying to talk to, and that put a dent in my night as well. She doesn't have the best rep, and does have ties to some exotic Albanian Mafioso sect. I value my life and don't need some hitman coming after me for fucking his mom. When people run in circles its a very very mad world. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Just finished the first entry into the medical dilemma that is my life. I suggest you all check it out. Maybe some news first. It is still the beginning of Iraq's independence.
God bless them, I just hope the post office is open on Saturdays. I think its f-en hilarious that Paul Bremer barely stayed enough for the doctrine to be told before he escaped on the closest helicopter to the airport. urlLink The Daily Show expressed just this notion in a very insightful way. On the other more human hand, of which I happen to have two, I think they would be "Maupin" - the floor with the blood of our soldiers.
Not only is there no rescue or recovery mission for him, because he is obviously and sadly dead, but there is the EVIL view of the blind polio-like democracy that is spreading suggesting that this man never lived, like he went to Iraq for the lovely Club Med they have there. Ignorance is one thing, and blatant lies are another. Don't have a fake motherfucking ceremony for the transfer of sovereignty while this guy/ and many other Americans (soldiers or not) are being murdered on your time. THE METS WIN! I know you all must be sick of this one teamed type baseball news but tonight in Cincinnati something moderately great happened. First of all, being left handed myself, Cliff Floyd hit two home runs today (Tuesday), further reinforcing the fact that we are better than the rest of ya. After all, what shoulder do you throw salt over for good luck? What hand do the Nuns beat till you is a righty, eh?
------------------------------------------------------------------- How about that Dr. Phil Family in Crisis series? I think it is the best realistic life-applicable television around. This family especially tickles me. It is an ongoing thing, the kids are fucked up, they hate the stepfather, blah blah blah, he's not abusive or anything, but here is the kicker. The mother had a kid as a result of a bi-racial affair (I'm not racist but I think its funny how evil women can be). On top of that, they gave it up for adoption, and now the mother, deeply in debt and in the throws of a very visible bad family relationship, wants to be a surrogate mother for this new couple who has adopted this baby and also lives across the country from where they live. She spends her time and money she doesn't have to go visit them. Unbelievable!!! Now that's good TV!! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Locally, I think the NYU so called "pot-princess" is a cutie pie and a half!!
I think she's getting a bad rap, that's all. I mean what's the matter with a couple of lines once in a while and a joint or two? At least her clientele was preoccupied, preventing them from going to the library, strolling up to the upper tier and splattering their heads all over the marble floor!
(re: the rash of jumping suicides at NYU not long ago) One of the charges was dropped recently when her boyfriend fessed up to his involvement. Ain't love grand? --------------------------------------------------------------------- Now I know there may be a lot of television references here, but I have no life so shutup. Quickly, -Rachael Ray on the Food Network is so marriage material! She's an actual cool girl you can trust with a knife. Call me old fashioned but that's hot! - I don't know if you've seen this new DEET commercial, you know the bug spray.
Anyway, its so eerily gay. It's this tom selleck looking shirtless guy with a mustache inside a tent swarmed by computer generated mosquitos flying around. -Real World finale sucked ass, but what can you expect. I was just waiting for Cameran to say something retarded and I ended up not waiting very long. In the little update in the corner of the screen, after the suitcase is packed and the gaudy yellow SUV, or the water taxi, or the helicopter shows up to take these people, hers read "Cameran has no idea what she's going to do next" It was just funny, I guess you had to be there. Everyone else's said things like college, or rehab, or I'm opening a surfboard factory, that type of shit. I was watching a show on Spanish language television named urlLink El Gordo Y La Flaca , it means the fat guy and the skinny one or (girl). Anyway, mostly because I have no love in my life, I've been strangely attracted to (remember I don't speak spanish at all) the female co-host. She's Cuban I think, has a bit of a nose, something I've always been turned on to anyway. I don't know if this is true, and maybe its just me but her appearance, although sexy I believe strongly encourages foot fetishes in people all over the world.
Her stems and feet have that universal appeal I guess. But its like every camera angle has to have her long ass legs and feet in it. On top of that she strokes them a little much for a talk television show. Its quite interesting and I suggest you all take a look. 
