  august 3 my thoughts are filled with just getting out, leaving everything behind. maybe i am a walking contradiction. there is no other way for me but to lead. here i am now. leading. the pressure is getting too much.
sometimes i feel like this is not me anymore. i hate some stuff i am obliged to do. smile here, smile there. give commendations. be a people person. i fucking hate all these crap.
there are times i want to be left alone. i want to have some quiet time. i want to do my thing. in spite of myself, i realized all i want to have is a low profile life. a quiet life. maybe that's why i wasn't too keen on modelling.
people are so nosy. and i couldn't just smile when asked to. i just want to do my thing. i want to sleep when i want to, i want to wake up no matter how late. i want to dress up the way i want to, i hate ties, i hate looking so yuppy. i want to curse whenever i feel like it.
i will be friendly when i want to, i will be nice when i feel like being nice. show me the light please as i am about to go nuts where i am now. 
