  urlLink This has been a song on my mind for about 4 months. I recently found a urlLink blog with that as the title - very interesting writing. The song reminds me very much of my hda. Those initials actually do mean something - and he would recognize them. It is rather an insult, but I called him that from time to time without offense. His father died last October (in the song the father dies) and he was suicidal even before that.
His father was his very best friend - even Friday when we talked he told me countless stories about his dad and said not a day goes by that he doesn't think about him and miss him. He is also close to his mother and his mother feels a void that no one can ever replace. I wish I was a nicer person - but I'm simply not. I'm glad that his wife is jealous of me and threatened by me. And I think all of the events of the weekend actually work in my favor. I think it will speed up a divorce, not avoid one.
Of course, if he divorces and doesn't ask me out - then I will be heartbroken. If ever I thought someone was my soulmate, it is him. I'm not one to overly believe in such things - I read about couples who sound that way. I don't know any of them personally and have NEVER had an experience remotely close to it. But my hda. I've been crazy about him for 10 years and to know he is also attracted to me.
Well. That is an amazing thing. From the beginning of our email friendship I decided to be myself and honest - figuring if he didn't like who I was it didn't matter. Being what you think someone wants is usually fruitless because eventually you have to be who you really are. And I think I'm too old to want to play that game and get my feelings hurt when they realize I'm not all that they hoped. And he has liked who I really am the entire time.
We've made each other mad, don't get me wrong, but always resolvable. If I tell you I love him I'll deny it if you tell him. :) K 
