  I had the strangest dream last night. In fact, I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. My first boyfriend is in them all, I keep running into him unexpectedly.
In the last one, I wanted to get back together with him, and he couldn't make up his mind (big surprise, he never could make up his mind about me). His brother was there, which was weird. I'd forgotten he had a brother. At least I think he has some siblings. Anyhow, his brother looked just like him. Which isn't bad looking. Anyhow, it was my birthday, I was in Austin, my whole family was there, and all of my friends. It seems everyone I've ever met, who are friends, distant or close, was there. I got hit on my a lesbian, who did a strip tease, and I ran away, because I wasn't interested in her, I was looking for someone else. I'd forgotten about my birthday, so had everyone else. Then Matt Bendall walked in the room and I drew a huge flower on his back with some sort of ink, although I was supposed to draw on the canvas he was wearing as a shirt...anyhow, he took the canvas and a couple of boxes out of his pocket, and gave them to me, he was the only one who remembered.
That's the happiest I'd felt in a long time. We ended up together instead of my ending up with my ex boyfriend who could never make up his mind. This is all strange, Matt B. is a very strange person, although alluring and fun. He likes animals and that's always good in my book.
But I haven't spoken to him in months, and never think about him, so why the dream? Anyhow, I decided last week to be happy about being single. I've just quit caring about finding serious relationship, because it will equal the end of my freedom. I have close friends and a family who all love me, so why do I need a guy? I don't know if its the prozac, or all of the emotional shit I've dealt with over the years, but I feel like I've lost part of my imagination and creativity.
All of that seems to stem from my emotions, mainly the bad ones, which drive me nuts from time to time. I have worked very hard for a healthier emotional state, but seem to have lost something in the process. Maybe it's not gone, maybe it's just hibernating. I feel some sort of euphoria rising, I think, (it's been a long time), possibly a combination of a new start in my life, open possibilites, and the wonderfully mysterious fall weather in D.C. And Jason, I'm sorry I missed your show(s), but I am nowhere near College Station or Oklahoma at this time in my life. 
