  Vatican City - In a surprising blow to Christianity and religious faithful worldwide, the Vatican is now reporting that the second coming of Jesus Christ "already came and went. " According to a press release issued by the Holy See on Sunday, Jesus Christ "returned to this world to spread His message of peace and love, again.
" The Vatican reports that the Lord appeared in a number of cities across the United States but spent most of His time at the Dunkin Donuts in Crawford, Texas. Jeff Mack, assistant manager at the Dunkin Donuts in Crawford, said: "I could tell the guy was different, even though he had a cell phone and wore jeans and a T-shirt like most people around here. He asked me once if I knew how he could get onto the President's ranch, but I told him the security's pretty tight up there. Guess he gave up. " Mack added: "He liked crullers mostly. Also eclairs. Never gave us any problems. Sorry to lose the business frankly. " The White House confirms that it received several phone calls from a man claiming to be Jesus Christ, but that it dismissed the calls at the time.
The President will hold a press conference later this week to provide further details. However, a source close to the President speaking on condition of anonymity said: "Of course we get hundreds of bogus calls every day from people claiming to be Jesus, Elvis, Gandhi. There's no way we could have known that this one wasn't just another wacko. " Dr. Gordon Phillip, professor of religious studies at Georgetown University and a leading expert on Christian prophecy, says that he is disappointed that mankind missed a "once in millenia" opportunity to receive the lessons of Jesus Christ.
"Without more information, it's hard to speculate on why Jesus came back at this moment, and even more difficult to understand why he didn't stick around longer. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he just took a good look around and decided to wash his hands of the lot of us.
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