  I can't count how many times I would click on the link to here, and just close the window once I got here. It's painful in a way to return to blogging. It means I must take time out of my life, lift my head above the water, and breathe. Time for myself is something I've never managed well. I'm an all or nothing person. Admittedly a weak spot.
I miss it though, the daily core dump of thoughts. The random flight of my fingers in the river of words to a faceless face. It's not that my life is all that interesting. I'm a mom, I spend my days with my children taking care of thier needs. I'm anxious about sending my oldest to school. I think she needs it, my husband would rather continue homeschooling her.
I would rather homeschool her, but I feel like a failure of a teacher. I don't feel like I have the patience required to teach her the basics; reading, writing, math. She needs better than me, and yet, my husband thinks she's fine. I may try homeschooling again when she has these basics. We'll try over a summer break and see where we go. I can't help but think though, if my children go to school, then that will give me the daytime to go to school myself, or get a job or do something outside of the house.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have 3 kids who I love with all my heart, and can barely keep up with, and I'm pregnant with my 4th. How am I going to handle them all?! I feel like I'm totally short changing Shirley because I'm so involved not only with the pregnancy but Rowan and Jaydn.
I'm hoping that maybe by enrolling her in school that she'll get the education her brain is soo thirsty for, and friends, which she doesn't really have here. She'll also get a break from everyone, which I think would do her good, she needs a life outside the family like the rest of us do. It's getting late, and I need to go. 
