  Its maybe 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. I went to bed at around 2 but I just laid there. I had a conversation with Travis tonight about everyone in Belle Center and how everything is so different. How Kyle, Kathrene, and I were always together. How Kyle and I just acted like brother and sister and everyone thought differently. How our entire relationship was crazy and basically a waste of time on my part.
Why did I even go there with it? I knew it wouldn't be right. I knew that I was just doing it to make him happy. By "it" I mean date, not anything else. We were never bored because we were always together. I secretly despised Kat most of the time.
She was exactly what I hated in a person. She lied constantly to me to make herself sound better and I knew it everytime. She was loud, she was peppy, she was extremely materialistic. I knew I only hung with her so that it wouldnt be awkward between Kyle and I when we were just friends. Travis told me how different he was now and how Kathrene moved. She fuckin moved and I didnt even know it.
Kyle was dating a new girl and I didnt have a clue. Why cant I keep in touch with people who meant so much to me just a year ago? They were my life. Why is it bugging me so much now? I havent even seen them since x-mas. I hope mom lets me go stay up there for a weekend.
I'm skeptical of seeing Jordy. I use to be so obsessed with that kid. The hugest crush ever and he didnt even really notice me. Then, once I'm about to move, he sees me. Which is of course my shitty luck. Dad lives too far away to just casually take me to visit.
The truth is, I dont know if I even want him now. I know I will when I get there and hang out with him though. haha, I use to obsess over watchin him board. Jolissa was so sick of hearing about it too. Jordy and Jo didnt get along but I didnt really care. He called me before I went to my grandparent's but I was in a rush so I kinda blew him off.
Idk, I just miss that place so much. I just need to go back and see that its not what I keep thinking. Mom shouldn't have made me leave without saying bye. I guess I just need closure which sounds cliche but it's true. I feel a lot better now but I'm not tired and there is no one on aim to talk to. There is a lot more on my mind but I dont feel like typing anymore so I'm gonna go be lazy again. 
