  I hate it when I loose things. I know I wrote a peom called Apathy. Since that is what I have been feeling lately i was trying to find it and see if it was any good.
I just can't seem to locate it. It's rather frustrating to know something should be out there and not be able to locate it. I guess, however, that I am no longer feeling apathetic about everything (now that I am frustrated, lol) so it may not even matter anymore.
Though not as apathetic as i have been I am still blah. I have the worst sense when it comes to men (I must have got that from my mother [take my dad and step-dad as refernce there]). It seems that the ones I would be best of with I just dont feel that way about. and the ones that are going to be nothing but trouble for me are the ones i fall for almost insantly ... go figure.
As usual there seem to be a few guys at least interested in me on the surface (they will probably all dissapear when they are sure they arent going to get easy sex from me). Tho almost all of them are quite a bit older (around 10 years older for most of them). Not that its a problem ... after all my last b/f was 9 years older and he sure turned out to be a winner ..... Age doesnt really matter to a point.
I am not going to date a 50 y/o (yes they do try). But someone at least somewhat close to my age who looks attractive to me (and there is a WIDE range of guys I find attractive) and nice and HONEST, certainly has a good chance with me if they will only treat me right. There is also this very young guy I have know for several years. He is only now 17 but has been declaring his love for me and how much he wants me since he was 15 (i of course told him there was NO way anything would happen between us with him being that young!!). He has been there consistanly though and I do care deeply about him (tho its still more of a brother type love).
He really wants to date me and I am just not sure he is ready for that ... he (like me when I was younger) ... has lots of issues with being gay and I don't think he has really delt with them yet. besides he lives almost 3 hours away and I DO NOT want another LD thing!! I am not wanting to get right back into any type of relationship right now.
it would be better to stay single for a while and try to make some friends before i even think about getting involved with anyone. ::sigh:: but knowing me there will come along some guy who really wants to date me and seems really cool and i will agree to date and things will be ok for a couple weeks then he, like every guy i really like, will rip my heart out, jump on it, and shred it to tiny bits yet again. fun 
