  well my cousin doesn't waste time. she continued with the discipline process right away. so i had to talk to her and my aunt and another guy from the church who i am also very close with. and i turned into a coward ... i lied to them and told them that i don't have sex with guys. i admited i was gay and attracted to guys, but said that i wasn't acting on it. i don't really know why i couldnt tell them the truth. if it wasn't my family ... i don't know. they still had more issues. i don't beleive that the Bible is 100% accurate anymore and this came up in the conversation. it is the main thing they had a problem with after I argues them down about the gay thing. in the concultion they basically said that I should go before the church and ask to be disciplined myself. and i think i will. i don't mind leaving the church for that reason - but i dont want the gay issue brought up in front of everyone else there.
many people there dont know that about me and i would just assume leave their ignorance in tact. i know i shouldnt care if i am leaving anyway ... but oh well. i talked to richard some over the weekend. he says he's been really blah the past week (seems like an epidemic around here). he was more like his old self but still not quite back to where he was when we met and the first couple weeks.
i so don't know what to do .... he hasn't done anything THAT bad ... certainly nothing i can't forgive him for (even if not calling when you say you will is a pet peeve or mine). i definately still love him - tho i have to admit that the feeling is not as strong as it was. guess i will have to see how he reacts the next time we are together. part of my problem is that i react strongest to someone who reacts to me stongly. ie - as long as he still shows he loves me i will love him back. wow we just had a power outage ... thank goodness for the UPS. i didnt loose a thing :-D what to do ... what to do ... 
