  Whilst at the supermarket last night (Safeways - needed sausages and diesel) I occured to me just how many damn slow people there are. Slow fat people, who just meander along, with not a care in the world, gleefully blocking each and every aisle as I try to trot round the shop.
All I wanted was a packet of sausages, and some milk. That's it. I also needed to be relatively hasty because my laptop was in my car, and my car don't lock. I was in such a rush that I ignored my standard checkout choice protocol (find the prettiest girl, queue there. ) and queued at 'Mark's (I'm never sure if they have real names on their badges - when I worked in a hotel bar, I was known as Bruce, I shit you not. ) checkout, declining the delights of 'Antoinette' in the next checkout - her conveyor belt was loaded, almost to the rafters with what seemed to be mainly pies, cakes and lard. Oh, and a low-fat yogurt. Sure, that'll help it's owner's pounds just fly off, especially after that pork fat flavoured ice cream...
Anyway, I digress. Whilst 'Mark' dealt with previous customer and her cheque (No, I don't want it printing, I'd rather spend a week writing it very slowly, and pissing off anyone who had the sheer cheek to think they could just rush in and out so their car hasn't got time to be broken into...) I spotted, on offer, a pack of that stop-smoking-gum. What the hell, I thought, now's as good a time as any.... After leaving the main store, I stopped at the filling station, as my poor (thankfully, non-broken into) car was thirsty, and incurred the wrath of about six people queueing to get fuel on the left hand side of the pumps.
How did I do this? By opting out of the 'wait on this side and ignore the other side club' and reversing to the (unoccupied) pump on the other side, so I could fill up there. For my efforts, I recieved a handful of dirty looks, and some guy I think wanted to give me a handjob.
I declined, as he wasn't my type, being a 'he' to start with. Was I delaying any of them? I reckon they just took offence at being made to look stupid. Moral of the story - if you don't want to look stupid, don't be stupid... Back to the gum. It's one of the most horrible things I've ever encountered. Imagine chewing soap laced with creosote. It makes me want to have a smoke afterwards to get rid of the foul taste. Dammit! I am feeling: Give me a cigarette! I am listening to: Leftfield The surf here is: on holiday 
