  My daughter is like an angel when she stops crying and eventually falls asleep. How could people just ignore the special moment with their child, complaining that they are busy, making excuses not to pay attention?
Like my husband, for example, he rather spends all his time and wastes his life over a game that can last long time. Yet, this moment, with Mercy being 10 months won’t last long. He wouldn’t even notice if we were gone.
I began to hate men with PS2. I am going to make sure next time I start dating, if I ever work up the courage to leave Ian, to watch out for their obsessions. If they are hooked in drugs, then it a no-no and if they are alcoholic, then there won’t be a chance. I think that I would even ask, what would they be obsess with and if they answer with even one thing, innocent enough or not, I won’t give them any reason to trust them.
Then again, obsession can start anytime. They may not even have any kind of obsession now, but once they try something they like and gets hook into. That’s scary. It makes me so sad. Look at all the wonderful things the baby can do to our lives and yet, nobody cares. Only rare do we care. Most of the times we make excuses, like myself, I will admit I make excuses sometimes. My excuses are so lame, yet can be understandable if you’re in my shoes. It so hard to love someone, escspecially when you’re not being loved by someone so important. But I do love my daughter, it just I don’t know if I am giving her enough. Doctors do tell me that I am a wonderful mother, and that by the looks of her happiness and her vocal actions, they tells me how great I am taking care of her.
But how do they know? How do they know I am even doing anything? What if it just because that who she is and because of other people I hang out with, she gets what she wants. My daughter loves children and animals. I am in a great hurry to move out into a fenced yard so I can get a dog and cats for her to enjoy.
I can even imagine her being a proud sister to the next kid that comes in the family. Maybe she will go through the normal stages, jealousy, anger, fear, wants momma… that kind of things. But then again, all kids go through that with the new babies. Honestly, I can’t wait. And I can’t wait when it finally just me and my kids. I know I will feel lonely and wanting someone to love and take care of me, but my point is, I can’t wait to be free from this loneliness and abuses. I know I have to leave but it isn’t that easy. I am afraid. That how we got married in the first place.
I knew if I tried to leave, he will stalk me. Call me every day, on and off work, demanding me to tell him where we are and what going on. He did that the first time I left him. My children do not deserve to watch me being tortured. My children do not deserve to watch me hurting and then believe it the only way of life and that is normal thing for a father to do. Because God knows, I will never forgive myself if my daughter married to a man exactly like her father.
God knows I will never forgive myself if I have a son that he will follow his father footstep. *sigh* we all deserve a better life. 
