  I am currently reading The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castaneda. So far the book is pretty good, my dad gave it to me and told me it was about how to become a physicist. At Fermi Lab right now I am surrounded by mostly people that have PhD's in physics or like me are graduate students in physics. All in all a pretty smart bunch of people. I tend to shy away from them, because in my head they are all smarter than me and never had any problems getting things to work like I do, so in fact, they are better, but are they? or are they just older and more experienced?
Tonight I read an interesting passage in the book that I thought I would pass along: "When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning. "He slowly begins to learn -bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid.
Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield. "And thus he has stumpled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear! A terrible enemy - treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting.
And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest. " "What will happen to the man if he runs away in fear? " "Nothing happens to him except that he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully, or a harmless, scared man; at any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings.
" "And what can he do to overcome fear? " "The answer is very simple. He must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule!
And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task. "When this joyful moment comes, the man can say ithout hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy. " "Does it happen at once, don Juan, or little by little?
" "It happens little by little, and yet the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast. " "But won't the man be afraid again if something new happens to him? " "No. Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity - a clarity of mind which erases fear. By then a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning, and a sharp clarity surrounds everything.
The man feels that nothing is concealed. " Maybe we all get to a point where we are too scared to continue. For some this would probably happen much earlier in life. When I tell people that I am a physics graduate student they give me this look of terror and say things like, "oh my god I could never do that," or "you must be so smart" I want to tell these people that no, I am really probably a lot like you I just get up every day, knowing that I am probably going to have difficulties in doing whatever it is I need to do that day. However, it always gets done, there is always people around to help....and there is always my goddamn Welty stubborness that keeps me trying. Who knows where I will end up, right now I am terrified of being here and what I am doing, but i am hoping that as the days and weeks go on I will gain some insight to what I am doing and become more comfortable with it. 
