  I do not know what to do? I love my Man. I worked to hard to keep this going. I can not throw it away. Over the year that we have not seen each other was and still is very hard to deal with for me. I do not know how the people deal with this when their love ones are in the services.
I can not. I do not know if it is me or what? I just wish my Man would talk to me about these things. I have been trying to tell him that. I ask him questions and most of the times he does not answer them. I just wish he would. I just want to talk to him about all of this. I do not want him to think that my head is not screwed on right.
Because it is. I am at a different level now and I can not go down a level. I keep on getting on a new level and I can not go back. My Man wants me to be with other men. I can not do that anymore. It is really hard to do anymore. They do not care about aftercare or anything else. I am just a peice of meat to them. I am nothing to them. I need aftercare so bad lately that I feel so dirty, worthless, no one cares, cheap, and the list goes on and on.
I want to be with Him. If he really wants me to be with other men then let me do it in his present so he can protect and care for me. I need him to punish me in real. I just need him allot lately and he has not been here for me. I am so confused anymore. toy 
