  So I didn't come to work yesterday. If I have to hear one more time "so and so was looking for you" or "hungover yesterday?
" or "you could have called..." I will unleash my wrath upon these zombies in the form of 7 plagues: 1. permanently extended middle finger 2. evil glares 3. gaseous releases 4. unexplained outbursts of tourette-ish swear words and dirty insults (hairy vagina bastard fat fucker ahole bitch! ) 5. "I will be paying someone like you to be doing this for me in a few years, and I will be paying them better. " 6. "Who told you that was ok to wear today? Fucking idiot. " 7. post-it on forehead that says "Fuck off.
" (oouf, that was some mean shit. ) Anyway, went to minor-league baseball All-Star game post-party after having 2 gin martinis in apartment before hand. Could not resist having said martinis while in bathrobe with hair up in curlers. Against specific instructions laid out by boyfriend, I wore an extremely bust-exposing little Nanette Lepore number (he said the horny players would be looking if I wore something sexy, so to cover it up. whoops. ) and indeed got plenty of attention, which I will not deny facilitating (come on, some of them were really cute. ) The final straw for boyfriend was when one who I had been mouthing to all night came up in and said, "You've got a tight looking woman right there.
" (ego just inflated 13%. ) So I woke up yesterday morning at 1 and decided work wasn't going to be an option; met boyfriend and the Terrier for lunch at the Kickin Chicken, watched some Cubs then went to run the dogs at the park. Fun times. Quelle beautiful rainy day. Afternoon nap preceded by "quick feel" as we call it.
Quick feel usually involves one of us saying "Man, I'd really like to feel a little penis in vagina right now," followed by explosive giggles, then one or the other climbing on top and the 2 minute "quick feel" turns into a marathon sex mission, segueing into a really solid nap. I am in relationship bliss. Finally, someone I'm enormously attracted to, who is my best friend, laughs at farts and they like afternoon pre-nap sex. I mean, seriously. Let's seal this deal. 
