  One of the most common factors connected to Self Injury is shame. Any shame or embarrasment that comes from Self Injury can have a big effect on all parts of a self-injurers life such as friendships, school, and job performance. Also, shame is often a feeling that precedes Self Injury, coming from events that happened earlier in the individual's life. As has been stated earlier there is a obvious relationship between self-injury and child abuse. For many self-injurers, Self Injuring is connected with a traumatic childhood. Feelings of shame and embarrasment often follow the traumas they have experienced.
Many people who have been abused feel that it is their fault, that they somehow encouraged, initiated, or/and deserved the abuse. These thoughts and feelings become connected with the memories of abuse, and then are transferred to SI behaviors. So, possibly if you feel shame or guilt or think you deserved to be punished, then you might act in ways that correspond those beliefs. You might hurt yourself if you feel that you deserve to be punished, for example. The feeling of shame and embarrassment can result from many different parts of Self Injury, such as scars, wound, bruises, cuts, feelings from past traumas, emotions, etc. Wounds, bruises, and scars In many people who hurt themselves scars or visible cuts, bruises, wounds produce feelings of shame.
Scars from self-injury "may be a life-long reminder of the injurious episode and may produce shame from internal thoughts or feelings as well as from external sources. Scars and other visible wounds can also be embarrassing when other people see them. Bruises, bald spots, and other visible, yet temporary, marks from Self Injury can be just as embarrassing as scars. Many people find other people's scars interesting and ask questions like: 'What happened? ' 'That must of hurt! How did you get it?
' These questions and comments can result from exposing your self injury by, for example, wearing a short sleeved shirt; and can trigger more feelings of shame and embarrassment. Scars or wound not coming from an act of SI don't induce the same amount of shame; they might be slightly embarassing because they are not attractive, but some people wear them as 'badges of honor. ' The reactions of other people to your scars or wounds depends on their source, and those reactions will affect your thoughts and feelings. Most people don't understand self-injury and react akwardly when it is mentioned. Other people's responses often help increase your feelings of shame and embarrassment. By exposing scars, wounds, etc you risk people seeing, questioning, and reacting to your self-injury.
So when other people question your scars you, anticipating their disgust, you might feel compelled to lie about their source. (Let me interrupt here: A excuse I used was that my aunt's Doberman had attacked me. This was a complete lie because my aunt doesn't own a Doberman. ) For this reason you might hide or cover your scars and wounds. Many people who self-injure try to hide their scars or injuries. You might wear long-sleeved shirts, long pants, or hats in the hottest weather to cover your injuries.
While you are SI-ing you may even consider where you're hurting yourself and how hard it will be to conceal. Therefore shame and embarrassment from Self Harm can be very extreme. It is very hard to handle judgement and misunderstanding from others. And, sometimes the responses of other people to your Self Harm will cause to lie about your Self Harm, conceal it under clothes, etc. But by hiding your scars or wounds, or lying you are continuing the cycle of shame. 'Remember your scars represent survival.
Your body carries indelible reminders of how strong you can be. It is important to view these marks with pride and respect. Only when you respect yourself can you begin to demand respect from others. ' Isolation and alienation People who SI often feel shame because of the very nature of the behavior. You might feel alone in your Self Injurous activities. This may be due to the fact that you previously did not know anyone else intentionally hurt themselves.
Self Injury is a behavior that's rarely discussed in society and has not been exposed by the media; and for these reasons you might have felt alone. You may feel different or "crazy" or abnormal. You may feel shame about your Self Injury because you have not yet realized that there are other people who also hurt themselves. Self-Injury is different from other behaviors. Drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, gambling, etc. have gotten a large amount of media attention.
The recognition of these behaviors may make those who have them feel less different, less isolated. Also for these behaviors there are often support groups in many cities. But although there are many people who Self Injury, rarely do you find large amounts of support and attention for this behavior. Along with feeling different from other people some individuals feel embarrassed by the actual act of self-injury. The violence that goes with Self Injury may cause you to feel shame. You may feel guilty about hurting your body; about drawing blood, about causing permanent scars.
Vulnerability and loss of control Seeing your own blood or wounded flesh may also cause feelings of shame. Exposing parts of your physical being that used to be hidden may cause you to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Another source of shame is feeling unable to control your SI behavior. You may feel that hurting yourself means you are weak. You may have tried to stop SI-ing but found yourself unable to, which may cause feelings of failure and regret. If you have talked to anyone about your Self Injury you may not want to tell them about any new injuries.
You may be embarrassed or ashamed that you hurt yourself again. You might even berate yourself for SI-ing, which is a behavior that helps you cope. But scolding or berating yourself doesn't usually help. Actually it might even increase your feelings of shame and embarrassment. The shame is caused by your perceived loss of control or failure. For some people it is not the act of SI that makes them feel shame and embarrassment, but their inability to remember the SI incident.
As has been stated earlier many people who Self Harm are in a dissociative state while they engage in their behavior. 'Dissociation distorts the conscience as well as decreased the experience of physical pain. ' Some people dissociate more than others. You may even dissociate so much that you are unable to remember hurting yourself. This may cause you to feel shame, embarrassment, surprise, and confusion. This level of dissociation is not common but it can cause severe emotional consequences including large amounts of shame.
Overcoming shame Shame can be a useful and appropriate feeling at times but it can also be very hurtful. 'Secrecy, isolation, alienation, depression, and self-hatred are all consequences of shame. Many of these consequence will increase your desire to hurt yourself, thus playing a major role in the cycle of self-injury. ' There are two main ways to reduce shame. One is to stop the behavior that causes those feelings. But Self Harm is probably your way of coping, and while stopping your SI behaviors will reduce your shame it is not a practical approach.
Two is to change the way that you view Self Harm and how you think about it. Self Injury is a coping mechanism that you and many other people use to stay alive or control dangerous feelings. It may have even kept you alive, an alternative to suicide. The scars on your body and your memories are evidence of your ability to survive. If you begin thinking of self-injury as a 'method of coping, surviving, and caring for yourself, you are likely to decrease (and hopefully eliminate) shame and increase feelings of pride. ' 
