  A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude Saw a man come along And, unless I'm quite wrong, You expected this line to be lewd.
There was a young girl named Sapphire Who succumbed to her lover's desire. She said, "It's a sin, But now that it's in, Could you shove it a few inches higher? " A young curate, just new to the cloth, At sex was surely no sloth. He preached masturbation To his whole congregation, And was washed down the aisle on the froth.
A gentle old lady I knew Was dozing one day in her pew. When the preacher yelled "Sin! " She said, "Count me in! And as soon as the service is through! " A progressive professor named Tinners Held classes each evening for sinners. They were graded and spaced So the very debased Would not be held back by beginners. A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
I am not I, I'm a tree. " But another more sane, Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane! " And covered his pants leg with pee. There once was a hacker named Ken Who inherited truckloads of Yen. So he built him some chicks Made of silicon chips, And hasn't been heard from since then. There once was a freshman named Lin Whose tool was as thin as a pin. A virgin named Joan From a Bible belt home Said, "This won't be much of a sin!
" There once was a couple named Kelley Who lived their life belly to belly. Because in their haste, They used Library Paste, Instead of Petroleum Jelly. There once was a young man named Gene Who invented a screwing machine. Concave and convex, It could please either sex, And it played with itself in between. (But, oh, what a bastard to clean! ) A pretty young maiden from France Decided she'd "just take a chance". She let herself go For an hour or so, And now all her sisters are aunts. There was a young lady named Hall, Wore a newspaper dress to a ball. The dress caught fire, And burned her entire Front page, sports section, and all. There once was a poor man named Crocket Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch, So she cranked on the switch, And Crocket took off like a rocket! She stood on the bridge at midnight. Her legs are like a quiver. She gave a cough, Her legs fell off, And floated down the river. While I, with my usual enthusiasm, Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm, She explained, "They are flat, But think nothing of that - You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm.
" A comely young widow named Ransom Was ravished three times in a hansom. When she cried out for more A voice from the floor Said, "Lady, I'm Simpson, not Samson. " A widow, who fancied a man some, Was diddled three times in a hansome. When she clamored for more, Her young man became sore, And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson. " He hated to mend, so young Ned Called in a cute neighbor instead. Her husband said, "Oh my, When you stitched up his torn fly, Did you have to bite off the thread?
" There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a "k". A wanton young lady from Wimley, Reproached for not acting quite primly, Said, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an entrancing facsimile. " There once was a lady from Exeter, So pretty that men craned their necks at her. One was even so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at her. There was a young lady from Maine Who claimed she had men on her brain. But you knew from the view, As her abdomen grew, It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
There was a young girl from Hong Kong Whose cervical cap was a gong. She said with a yell, As a shot rang her bell, "I'll give you a ding for a dong! " There was a young man from Hong Kong, Who had a trifurcated prong. A small one for sucking, A large one for fucking, And a *honey* for beating a gong.
There was a young lady of Norway Who hung by her toes in a doorway. She said to her beau, "Just look at me Joe, I think I've discovered one more way. " There once was a plumber named Lee Who was plumbing a girl by the sea. Said she, "Please stop plumbing, I think someone's coming! " Said he, "Yes I know, love, it's me. " There was a young girl from Devizes Who had breasts of different sizes.
One was so small, Really nothing at all, The other was huge, it won prizes. There once was a policeman of Munchen Whose penis one day ceased to function. For the rest of his life, He deceived his good wife By the intelligent use of his truncheon. (Maybe North Americans would not know that a truncheon is the stick carried by British policemen) I once met a lassie named Ruth In a long distance telephone booth.
Now I know the perfection Of an ideal connection, Even if somewhat uncouth. There was a young man of St. John's Who wanted to bugger the swans. But the loyal hall porter Said, "Pray take my daughter! Those birds are reserved for the dons. " A worried young man from Stamboul Founds lots of red spots on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic; Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!
" There was a young lady named Twiss Who said she thought fucking a bliss. For it tickled her bum, And caused her to come Siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW There was a bluestocking in Florence Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents, Till a Spanish grandee Got her off with his knee, And she burned all her works with abhorrence. 
