  After leaving Ateneo Law School back in 2001, my life felt like it was turned upside down. It’s almost been two years since that whole wreck and I don’t think things have fallen in to place ever since. I was one of those weird kids that really wanted to become a lawyer—for real! For as long as I can remember, I have tried to pave the road to get there. I was one of the few to graduate high and actually know what I wanted to do with my life. Until of course I got on board and decided I wanted out. So I walked the plank and jumped off with a smile. To borrow Ani DiFranco’s words, “if I’m gonna go down, I’m gonna do it with style.” Sure enough when the first trimester of sleepless massive caffeine high nights of studying were over, I was the only one to walk out of there with a smile on my face. From then on I have been a lost little soul. No worries. My bestfriend Cat once said that we’re allowed to make wrong turns in our life. I don’t think I have made any wrong turns in my well mapped out life until I actually swerved off the nicely paved road I made for myself and tried my chances on the beaten path. I’ve been making all the wrong turns since then. But I’m happy. I know that I’m going to keep making the wrong turns until I find the right ones and I’m glad that I’m doing this now, while I’m young and can afford to make such mistakes.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more lost in my life more than the way I do now. It feels like I’ve been hitting rock bottom constantly. Some days I get temporarily elated because things seem to turn up, only to realize that they haven’t and it’s like I’ve hit rock bottom of rock bottom. Then you think to yourself, “ It can’t get any worse than this, things will have to look up soon.” They don’t. So I’ve made myself comfortable here, in this really bad rut that I seem to be perpetually stuck in.
My bestfriend Cat and I with our best smiles Despite all the negativity, at least in the end I know what I want: to find a job that I will be happy in (which is to write or be doing anything creative ). So after swearing off call centers and bank teller day jobs, I suck it up and live in poverty until my window of opportunity opens.
I know that if I sit still enough I’ll be able to grab it when the time comes. For now, I try to get by with my life by keeping in mind that I am a writer because when I wake up in the morning it’s all I can think about doing. That’s where it all starts anyway. ps. I walked out of that job I was bitching about in my last blog! 
