  Today's my ex-girlfriend's birthday. And I'm not going to do anything about it. No pathetic overtures for her affection, no bitter rants, no calendar burning.
Yes, it's the first day of my adult life. I can feel my testosterone dropping, my gut sagging. You can almost hear the hairs falling out of my scalp and hitting my keyboard. In accordance with my new status as an adult, I am starting to work ahead on the August issue of my magazine since I will be on vacation throughout July.
Planning ahead has never been a strong suit. But I've never been paid to go on vacation either. Maybe I'll go to a happy hour tonight, hit a few golf balls, and get my oil changed. $20 bucks says I won't even make an ass of myself at John's wedding tomorrow. Does anyone know anything about 401Ks? The end of an era. 
