  Ive been sitting here trying to figure out what to write and a very wise woman said to write what I feel...That is so hard for me...I'm my strongest critic and can't stand to see my words glaring out at me. But I'll try. I feel inadequate. As a wife, for the feelings that I have for her. I love my husband with all my heart. I want her just as much as I did 2 years ago when this all began, but that doesn't diminish in any way how I feel for Bryan. That probably makes no sense at all to anyone but me. As a friend because I think that if I had been strong enough to say that it wasn't for the best, I wouldn't be dealing with not being able to connect with her. As a mother, for my lack of patience. As an employee cus everyone makes me feel that way. As a daughter cus I get so disgusted with my mother on a daily basis for who she is. And because they tell me that alcoholism is a disease and they can't help it and sometimes I don't believe that.
As a stand strong and tall woman because people feel the need to start rumors that they can't validate and I am too much of a puss to confront them and face what they are saying. well I kinda feel better Okay not...because I know jen is gonna read this and think I'm nuts...but she thinks that anyway I think...shhh-we won't tell her its true, let her find out on her own. LOL 
