  have been thinking about wat to do for thwo whole day. had a nice chat with dear early in the morning.  slept at about 4. well. i start to feel that i would give him up. it wouldn't be a nice choice. neither a gd one. but at least.  it would let wo hao gou yi dian. let him hao gou yi dian.
i asked him. wat if one day i left him for that guy.  he said he would continue to live on so that i won't worry. when i see that.  i felt really relieve. as though. i would really let him go. i would rather he regret than to be with such a gal. it might sound silly. but i think. maybe i am able to force myself to say things i won't wanna say.
i feel bad i know i will feel bad. but my heart is telling me to give up. to give up the hopes the dreams. and everything. since its one month only. give it up now or things would worsen even more. ex called. ask wo monday no go out ar. haiz. i feel really selfish. giving him up might not let him hao gou. might not let me hao gou.  but its the best idea i can think of. i am willing to do everything to let him find his happiness.
including giving him up.  letting him go. i know he won't wanna go. he won't give up. but i'm sure. leaving me is really the best thing. i am starting to feel cold.
haiz.
really feel like saying sorry. sorry for everything. sorry for letting u know me.  sorry.
