  A very wise man once wrote: “If you would have a woman love you, fill her about the brim with love of herself – all that runs over is yours.” This is exactly what Matt did for me. In fact, he’s the only love I’ve ever had that even attempted. What I was to him was not a name but what he called the essence of pining, and he filled me not with empty words, but a real sense of masterpiece.
We met over dinner at a noodle stand a few blocks from the market shopping district in downtown Taipei. Mutual friends had already decided we’d be a perfect match, and arranged the no-pressure gathering of friends. Tall and athletic, witty and intense, handsome and intelligent, he fit my desire like a standing ovation.
We all spent that night in lively conversation over drinks at several of the city’s cozy, relaxed places that catered to American expatriates. The soft light of the sun had already warmed the windows of Mama’s Place when we finished our bacon-and-egg breakfast and walked into the morning. As I opened the red metal door of my third-story apartment, the phone rang. “I haven’t smiled this much in a long time,” Matt said when I answered. “And I have a feeling, you’ll be making me smile for a good long time.” He always said that’s how it was, that I was the treasure (with the best ‘booty’ around) and he was the bandit, getting away with something he didn’t deserve.
I have a box of letters he penned during our two-year relationship, which tells the truth of the matter. In one cherished note, he wrote: “Freedom is the right to search for someone who will rid you of this desire. You are my freedom, you are my desire, you are the right someone.” He filled me to the brim time and time again.
But, he never freed me from fear. Thankfully, no man can do for you, what you can only do for yourself. Georgia O’Keefe spoke the necessary words of an artist’s heart: “I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I want to do.” I know that cord and the balance required to bear it. It was laced throughout my twenties and even now is an ever-present filter though the stained glass of my life has formed a more reflective likeness. The parts are forming the whole, and I’m discovering that what I have been to the companions of my life is a piece of who I am, a translucent display of who I was created to be. 
