  Ok, so I never got to go to Spokane as was planned. Things got fucked up. Oh well. I talked to Brandi a lot while she was there and it sounds like she was having an excellent time.&nbsp;I have almost nothing on my mind today except the fact that Andrew really fucking hates me. I don't even know why I kept trying to talk to him. Lane said it hurts him when I talk to him and I think that is bullshit. And if it isn't bullshit then I'm glad it hurts him. He has no idea, or even a concept of all the hurt and pain that he inflicted upon me. I'm in such and odd toss of emotions right now. I seriously think I am dead inbetween hating him and missing him. It is sucky. Lane thinks I should do some type of self examination because somethings are really fucked up in my head right now.
THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!!! Jesus Christ! I'm hurting the person I love the most in the world by TALKING TO HIM, and at the same time getting some sick kind of satisfaction from it. Everytime I talk to him it's like pulling myself somehow closer to him. I am immersing myself in the hatred. Maybe I am some freak.&nbsp;A masacist, but of the mind.&nbsp;The mental pain that I inflict upon myself and bleed out in words.
Fucking sickening. I feel myself slipping back into my angsty-goth mind frame. Everything that I was before I met him is coming back to me now. A slow trickling of loathing, hate,&nbsp;and disgust. SLipknot sings me lullabys. Hmmmm....there is no after thought that can properly bring this mess to an end. So until next time... -Ally PS Chris thinks I cuss to much. Do I? 
