  my emotions are screwing my system up. i can just start cryin one minute n feel excitement the other minute. im financially down,  no money in my bank. from 3000 bucks i have fuckin 700bucks now. i dont wan my mum to find out.
she will kill me. my parents think its because of my phone bill all my money is goin away. but hello i pay my bills myself, buy clothes and whatever i need on my own, im a teenager i need to go out. n how m i supposed to save up gettin like 50 bucks a week?
everyones parents at least pay their childrens bills at least 50 bucks. but i have to go on my own. not even my subscription( HOWEVER U SPELL THAT SHIT)  fee.  i dont feel like writing anymore.
but i know once i stop n log off,  ill have all my emotions running everywhere that i just wanna bang my head against the wall. i fear my dad coming into my room n sayin " WHY U ALWAYS CHATTIN?  IM A BUSY PERSON!  I NEED TO SEND A MAIL!
 LOG OFF NOW!  u think ure the only one busy?  think bout me? i end sch at FIVE everyday. n yea i have cca and yea fuck la. i just hate this life.
yea definitely my life seems like a fucked up piece of chicken now but i cant justify it is compared to my dad. i dunno what shit im talkin or thinkin. im annoyed. im fuckin annoyed! FUCK THE WORLD! GOD HELP ME!
 my fuckin laptop is like crushed! i cant even on it. nothin comes on the screen! im annoyed. i wan to do my work. im usin my sisters HI TECH laptop which absolutely sucks cause i aint comfortable with it.
no one is listenin to me cry. everyone just goes " oh shes just bad mood"  screw u n ure assumptions. fuck u! fuck u real hard u idiot!
bastard! now i need to reformat my laptop. everythings going to be gone. everything. n my dad is makin noise cause he needs to spend on my laptop, which was his!
basically im using a second hand laptop cause he doesnt wan it anymore cause he perfers the computer which is soooo much more advised. he spends money just to do his computer right? why cant u just get my bloody laptop down! sounds trival. i dont care what u think. fuck u n ur thoughts!
 i know im pissed. extremely annoyed! never been like this for a long time. i feel like dying. killin myself. see no purpose.
if i live,  i have to go thru fuckin spa, only to know im screwin up every practical. i only have to WASTE my parents money. if i die,  just one funeral.
thats all. all my insurance money will be split. and everyone will b happy. but i dont fuckin dare to kill myself. i dont wan to go to someone unpleasent. i dont wan to suffer again.
i dont wan to go thru hell. nothin is turnin out rite! y?  WHY?  WHY?  i dont even know why im writing.
why m i lettin u read? why? whats wrong? i dont know. i just wanna live alone. go overseas.
have a lot of money. keep it for myself for ONCE! stop being nice and lendin ppl money. just be selfish. go wild. drink,
 drive kill myself. anything. i hate this. i cant believe im feelin like this again. i know the last time it made me go down the fuckin drain. i cant let it happen.
no one to listen to me. dont come tell me u wont judge cause i know ure fucked up mind that u wil judge me. even my mum does,  assumptions. everywhere. i dont like what im going thru now.
i hate this whole thing. i wan to be happy. i wan to make ppl happy. i dont wan to show everyone im like this. i dont know what to do. i feel like jumpin down.
just dont live anymore. i dont wan to suffer.  i feel pain. heart pain. muscle pain. all the pain i cant ever feel.
i feel bad for writin bad things bout my parents. i know they do me good. but i cant see it. thats what all parents say. i feel like why cant i get everything i wan. i wan to have parents i can just go up to n talk.
talk bout my boyfren, talk bout netball, talk bout how i hate certain ppl who r makin my life like shit, talk bout that horrible paper i sat for, talk bout how i saw this lady fall. talk about ANYTHING!
i dont see the chemistry,  i dont feel the attention. i dont feel anything. im numb. i can just walk into a tree and go,  "
oh i walked into a tree!  YAY!  im doing everything on impluse now. cause i got no one to guide me. no one to listen to me. i dont wan to talk everything out cause i know what im feelin is wrong,
how i dont like ppl, how i cant deal with jealousy, failure and not being able to achieve what i wan.  i wan pre u sem n the china trip to come. come faster. i wanna be free.
no one to control. on my own. have money. money seems to be a majoy issue to me now. no ones goin to get any brithday gift from me this yr. im sorry.
i had nice plans for everyone. but did any of u remember mine? do u acknowledge me? empty promises. words mean nothing to me no more. i wan ppl to show me the real thing.
not just say. im annoyed. i wan to kill everyone. with a sword. a big sword. feel satisfaction.
im annoyed. i feel like just drownin. thats what i feel. i feel myself drownin. in self pity. i wan to go clubbin.
i wan to go rub my ass agaainst some ass, then slap his face. thats how frustrated i m. i wanna blame everyone but myself. n i wan everyone to agree im in the right. goodness how fucked up can i be.
im so sick, evil and horrible. no one likes me. im just mean. everyone ought to detest me. what r u doin kavi!
 whats wrong with u.  i wan to fly away. n only come back after 10 yrs!  kav 
