  Sat. May 1, 1999. The day my mother died. It was the worst day of my life, but it very little to do with mom's death.She had been so sick so long that her death was a releif. I had gotten a call on Thursday from my Dad saying mom wanted to see me. This was a little weird.
She never requested my presence. Only that I bring her something or run errands for her since she was incapacitated...or as she liked ot call it, "incarcerated. " She was in a nice nursing home, if there is such a thing, perminantly hooked up to oxygen and not able to walk farther than the bathroom under any circumstance b/c she liked to smoke. She liked to smoke a lot- more than anything in the world. More than she liked my Dad. More than she liked me.More than she liked life.
She had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Basically, her lungs didn't work for the last 6 years of her life. Oxygen had to be put in them. But if she could have gotten hold of a cigarette, she would have smoked it....well, maybe not. I found cigarettes in her room when I was cleaning it out and moving her stuff. She would hold on to her lighter like a child holds her teddy bear.
On that Thursday I was going to Off Broadway shoes when Dad called. I needed shoes for something - oh yeah - a wedding. So, while I was looking at the millions of shoes I was thinking I could take my new shoes to show mom. She was into shopping - or had been anyway. Lately she had been into QVC. I got one pair of shoes that she would love b/c they were "nice" and beige.
She loved beige. I saw a pair of those incredibly ugly yet amazingly comfy Burkenstock type sandals. God they were ugly. I tried them on. God they were comfy. I decided mom would hate them.
I bought them. tee hee. On Saturday morning while getting dressed, since by that point Mom had been in ICU unconcious for over 24 hours and I was about to shoot my brother's wife's little sister's wedding after having hosted her bridesmaid's party the day before and acting like everything was fabulous - with the help of all the champagne I could get my hands on-I made an executive decision. Instead of wearing the "nice" beige shoes I got on Thursday to wear to this wedding, I was going to wear the "God they are ugly but comfy" sandals. I was too worn out to think about heels. I had hives.
My boyfriend had dumped Friday morning when I called him to tell him Mom was in ICU and not ever coming out. He said he wouldn't be available. After I ask why he told me he had a date. Yes,a date... with some other girl. He even went so far as to tell me they were going to La Paz and sitting on the patio - like I needed to know that. That was just stupid.
Did he want me to come there and assasinate him? Anyway, it was years before I went back to La Paz. So I thought to myself, " Mom would die if I wore these shoes to a wedding. " Then I laughed. Later, I laughed more. Mom would send me post cards and sign them "Mommmy Dearest.
" I brought her a fridge magnet from MGM Universal studios that said "I (heart) Mom. The Bates Motel. We were sick like that. The wedding was over and Angie and I got in the car to leave around 4:30. Immediately my phone rang. It was my Dad.
He told me my mother had died a few min earlier. Mom would never have died before the wedding was over. That would have been tacky. I went in to tell my brother that mom had died. I was happy. She had been out for 2 days.
The doctor said the morphene kept her from feeling the pain of her body's hunger for oxygen. The downside of that being she was basically in a coma and that that was all she had to look forward to. After I had gone to the hospital and gotten mom's stuff - one plastic grocery bag with her pyjamas and bathrobe and slippers, and one cosmetic bag with her dentures, glasses, toothbrush, and a list of things she wanted done at her funeral that I didn't find until after it was over, but luckily we had done them anyway- I got a call from the happy couple. Some idiot told the bride mom had died. Bridezilla was now calling me to cry on me and tell me how much she missed my mother. She missed my mother and was weeping uncontrolably.
The audacity! This girl had just gotten married to a great guy and the whole world had been revolving around her for months - my mother had even been revolving around her! MY mother. My mother who never liked anything I wore or the way my hair looked and who thought I should wear panty hose and lipstick at all times, who instead of chosing life and being with me had chosen to smoke herself to death and was now in fact dead had been revolving around this silly girl's wedding for the last months of her life. Now that mom was dead she wanted me to comfort her??? Sorry, I just got dumped by my boyfriend and my mother died.
I am busy. I don't have time to cry. I have 100 people to call on the phone,a funeral to plan, and I have to get food for 300 at Dad's house day after tomorrow. She had a mother, and a husband for crying out loud! She was about to go on her honeymoon. I had a self centered (and at this point drunk) ex-boyfriend who had told me he wanted to marry me then a month later told me he never loved me, and whom I still think is gay and needs to just go be gay - who couldn't handle reality...and I had hives.
The bride said she missed my mom already. I told her I did, too bu that she shouldn't worry about that and she should go on her honey moon and have fun. Then I went home and called everybody Dad and I could think of to tell them the news, and planned a beautiful funeral and visitation party. The weather was amazing. I haven't had a real boyfriend since Mom died. Gee, I wonder why?
I mean there was this guy in the summer of '99 that I guess you could call a boyfriend when he was hanging with me-instead of with his supposed "ex" girl friend... or his other supposed "ex" girl friend, but I don't he really counts. He was the rebound and was never around anyway. But he was a bartender and had access to lots of free drinks. That was a plus. Oh, he just got married. I heard he was gonna ask me about shooting his wedding.
I laughed. Know what day he got married? Saturday May 1st, 2004. 
