  Well last night i was at Josh's house and things were very different. Jeremy, sarah, and i went to the store, got food, and alcohol and we come home and josh was just chillin on his computer. But not just for a little while the WHOLE time, then after the computer he gets up and decides he wants to go for a drive. I didnt know what the hell was going on. I mean im only here for a little while and i just thought he would maybe wanna spend what little time i have here with me. But i guess i was wrong. I got REALLY REALLY REALLY drunk. And when he went on his drive i just started crying and crying and i couldnt stop.
I just didnt understand why he was just acting like he didnt even want me there. I felt pretty damn shitty. And i dont know if when he come back i talked to him or if i bugged him or somthing i just dont know. I felt so unwelcomed. So Jeremy and sarah are talking today and he tells sarah that him and josh were talking and josh was saying that he was worried about this whole situation cuz he thinks im getting attached and he doesnt wanna hurt me and blah blah blah. I understand why he would worrie about that but he doesnt have to treat me that way. I text him and said...Im not getting attached and ur not gunna hurt me so please dont think that. And well he hasnt said a damn thing back. And seriously i think its fucked up i mean im glad he cares if he hurts me and stuff but talk to me about it dont just ignore me and think that will solve it.
THATS whats gunna hurt me. I know NOTHING is going to happen. I KNOW we could never be together HEllO we live across the country from each other im not fucking stupid. I just wanna spend my time Now with him, have fun and hang out. Live in the moment. I dont think he knows i feel that way, but how would he if he doesnt talk to me about it and fucking find out.
Just blowing me off and ignoring me and shit is what hurts me. I wouldnt get hurt later when i left, why would he hurt me..i would be happy to know we spend happy times together. I would be happy at the memories and shit. NOT HURT! i seriously i just cant believe after the week we just spent and know i still have 2 weeks left he would just blow me off.
I thought he was better then that. I mean i care about him a whole hell of alot, and i woould LOVE just LOVE to be with him, but i know that will never happen. SO i just want to spend my time here with him. Ya know???? UGH i just thought alot of things were different. And now i am hurt. 
