  i wish that i could go back, if you know what i mean, to when everything was just straioght foward. life in general. i don't know how i'm keeping myself under control, even though somtimes i wish i could just let everything go.
it would help, i think. just to live in peace, only a day. my mind is full of things that pass my imagination. all of these things that i have let happen. all i can think about is how wrong it is. i can't think of a way to fix anything. it's driving me crazy living in silence. that's why i emailed him today. but he's nto going to email me back. i know. he's just going to ignore everything. i don't understand why everything feels so wrong or why i just don't want to be anywhere anymore. i want forget myself let alone forget all the bad things i let happen. i wish i could make someone understand me.
yes, i do talk about things but there's other things that are untold and i wish to keep them like that but it's them that are my main problem. it's my fault, i know that. i just can't help thinking that there is no way out of this stupid web of confusion i let myself get caught in. someone just save me from myself. 
