  Count to three...breathe in deep...CONCENTRATE! Today is the first day of state bar review. I know I am getting out of the office at noon and I am having a hard time resisting the urge to burst out of here and scream "I'M FREE" - because I know I'm not. I have to go to bar review. I have to go to bar review. I have to go to bar review. If I say it enough, I will overcome this pull to direct my car home, fall to the couch, snuggle in a blanket and wish the world away while watching Golden Girls and The Nanny that I have (to Ken's annoyance) recorded on the DVR. Alas, however, the world will not go away and neither will my need for the bar review, my need to face this fear I have going into the bar review, or the fact that I still do not have a permenant job.
Speaking of that though, I feel for the first time like I just don't care about the whole job thing. I must be bordering on being deemed mentally insane. Logically, I am terrified that I don't have a job secured and know that the one I have will come to a tragic end - an end of the money and the health insurance Ken and I desparately need. The Robitussin CF/fatigue/allergy part of me says: Fuck it. Lay on the couch all day. Watch TV. Waller in the feeling of unemployment. It's ok to work at Wal-Mart with a doctorate degree! Then there's the part of me that thinks its time for a career change before my career has begun. Maybe I should go ahead and be that high school English teacher I had thought I wanted to be when I started college.
That posting for a private investigator for a large financial entity doing investigations on mortgage fraud is right up my alley. I am PERFECT for that airport security job! All posted positions in Indianapolis, but not a valid choice for someone as much in debt as I am from 3 years of hell. So, my body goes on auto-pilot - I know I will get in my car. I know I will go to bar review.
I know I will continue my Torts practice problems (of which I am doing very well on so far). Ken's grades are due today and then he is off for his three months of student free bliss. I'll have to have him bank some sleep time for me. Maybe I'll get to go home and convince Ken to play Trivial Pursuit with me on the X-Box. Just a moment to escape... 
