  No dreams of Adrian directly, but did have an action-suspense dream about writing a book on pedophiles (of all horrible things). So by no coincidence I feel horrible today (this first day of June) even if I awoke and felt Adrian's spirit with me. Starting yet another month without Adrian. He's been physically out of our home for 9 months (on Sept 1st he'd just been admitted to the hospital and I figured home in a few days). Gulp, that’s very hard. A baby takes 9 months to develop. But 9 months without the one you love does not create a new self.
I don’t want to live without Adrian. I will, don't get me wrong. Nine months, I don’t like this, but it is the way it is. And 5 years ago we were just back from Hawaii and appreciating our lives together and with Rebecca. Adrian was learning to walk, but possibly driving to work on his own, maybe not. We had 5 good years, really good. Last June Adrian was alive! I was working part time at the school and Adrian was seemingly fine.
I remember him frustrated with work b/c they had moved his team to the factory. Our relationship was great as I’d lost 20 pounds and felt wonderful. Now thankfully I’m 10 pounds less even, but the hole in front of me is too huge to think of even tomorrow. Thanks for listening. Do I make any sense? Kathy 
