  tantra any class of Hindu or Buddhist mystical or magical writing therapeutic.. therapy a cleansing of the soul a clearing of the mind a willful immobility of the body lax i am tending to dream tending to sleep away the fatigue swimming through a tunnel the tunnel is my mind out through my ear and back through my mouth dive i dive bottomless and dark more than lacking in direction a river flowing vaguely from sight upstream or downstream?
lost in the murky shadows of confusion then a flash of color and i gaze at the figure of HIM gifted and still he is like water in a vase ready to push and break and flow how profound, i think that in the beginning and end of my memory i find you where are the rest?, i ask that time encompassing the years before you? it is gone, he said i am here, i am there again tomorrow and after i am you, all of you i wish to end this i wish to blur his image but his focus is strong and he refuses to waver this is not my exit i do not grope or grovel and i do not need you for sustenance. his grip falters, but for a millisecond i wish to destroy him and make him blend with the shadows for that is what he is and i am light and weightless.
will- sheer as a camisole against sweaty skin upstream. i know now. upstream. that way is forward that is the exit i like so i plummet single beams of light at the bottom like blurred fish scales dancing i drop and hit water and wake up from a dream i jolt and move so quick i fall and the floor gives me a slap. 
