  Morning Entry: I woke up feeling quite calm this morning, it didn't last. Oh and I cried last night, dammit. I never thought about how often I would call M to let him know about this cool thing or that. Now just as I'm thinking "oh I have to tell M..." I remember that I can't, and that's one of the hardest things to deal with.
Eep, I just got an invitation to lunch by mutual friends, and M is invited too. Should I answer privately or reply-all? Is M going to reply? I wish I had some regular readers of this journal who could post comments and tell me what to do. I think I'll wait and see if M replies. Maybe if I reply that I can't go and add a little sad-face it'll let him know how I feel.
A bit later: Alright, M responded to the email with "Grr…can’t today but I wish I could…". WTF? You wish you could gorge yourself on Chinese food when I am in so much pain eating takes a force of will? *Deep breath* Alright, maybe I'm reading too much into just 8 words; but that's really the first thing that went through my head. 
