  Well, it's Friday and I should be glad - but - I'm working tomorrow (End of Month Reports to run and other such exciting things to do). Of-course the back-up tape drive has failed (again), which means that running the EOMs might be a tad risky if something goes wrong (which it will). There is also the minor matter of me not having any keys or alarm code to get into the building as the person whose keys I was supposed to get and whose alarm code I need to use has taken the day off without saying so. All this means that at 10am tomorrow morning (when I should be sleeping) I shall be sitting in my car outside the work hoping that my co-worker will turn up. Yes, I could ask someone else for their keys but therein lies a problem. I can't. It's not because I *can't* ask someone else, but because deep down in my psyche there's a little bit of me that just *can't*. I think I must be deeply repressed or something but I'd feel like I was imposing, puttting undue pressure on someone. I mean, what if I borrow someone else's keys and something goes horribly wrong? Like, for example: maybe the alarm will go off because I've made a mess of pushing the code buttons, or I didn't set it correctly and it goes off after I've left (or even worse as I'm leaving).
I'd also have to come in on Monday to hand the keys back and Monday is supposed to be a holiday. On the other hand...if I don't ask someone else for their keys then I'll have to come in and work on Monday (even though it's a holiday), otherwise I'll lose a days wages. I need rest. I also need to change my life around. I need recognition, recognition for having acheived something, for being someone.
That's my goal now - to be someone. I'm 38 but I want to be the next David Bailey or Ansel Adams. No, no,no,no...I want to make images like those of Mapplethorpe (http://www.mapplethorpe.org/malenudes6.html). Ahhh, Mapplethorpe, such talent, such talent. I know I can do it, I know I have the talent. So much work to do in such a short space of time. Time, there's never enough time. And now it's time to go. For today anyway. 
