  So I have a bit of a belly. I'm not obese or anything but it's gotten to be a little too much to suck in these days.
I just love it when other women come up to me and ask when I'm due. That's an awkward thing to say to someone. I didn't know my belly was pregnant quality. How do you answer that? "No you dumb cow, I'm just fat. Thanks for pointing that out. I'm going to go emotionally eat now. " There's just never a good way to reply.
In the future, I think I'll just say "October," why embarass myself? "Oh yeah, I'm hoping it's a boy because that tummy certainly isn't years and years of eating through the pain. Nosiree, that's a little bundle of joy in there. I'm also not married, care to point that out Captain Bringdown? " Don't you wish you could abort your fat they way they do babies? Just pop in to the doctor's office, in and out in an hour or less and voila, hot body.
That'd be the best. Why is it that the verb abort is only used in regards to two things: babies and missions. I wish it was used more. Like, "Mom and Dad, I'm just not getting good grades. I'm going to abort from college. " That sounds way better than "drop out" right? Lessens the blow if you ask me. Or, "honey, you're just not satisfying me sexually, I think we should abort this relationship.
Then I'm going to abort your baby. " Now that doesn't sound so bad does it? Sounds very official. I'm going to abort this blog. 
