  Listening to Yue Guang by Cyndi Wang... the only song that could smooth my tiring soul.. Spent the whole day working hard so that i can be tired and i wont think of her. Ya, its futile, coz if i can stop thinking about her, i would write less in diary. Probably scare her off last night when i told her in detail how i felt. She didn't understand me, so there is no way she can know if im sincere or not. Then again, even if she understands, it makes no difference because nothing would change her decision to wait for that guy who treats her like a hotel. Some woman... i duno what to say, but really hopeless. They really seems to enjoy waiting, hoping and hopelessly in illusions, fantasy land. Although the word, "fan jian" keep appearing in my mind, i know she isn't.. She is just someone who wanted very much that the relationship will work out..
But, she didn't see beyond it. So what if she manage to salvage the relationship? Will that make any difference? She seems to believe that if the relationship didn't work out, she could move on. Base on my understandings of her, i seriously doubt she would; there is nothing i can do. Its tiring to fall in love; more tiring to court a woman. Nah, i will never turn gay. There is nothing in this world that will turn me away from being normal.
Just waiting for the day when i get super duper tired; grab any girl and just settle down. Anyway, i just want my kids, won't ill treat her either, i'm not the sort.. but, i probably wont love her, or perhaps deep enough to put her interest before mine. Sad?! Quite, but i want my kids and i dun want to raise them alone. :) Its too tedious and im too masculine to do that. Need a balancing force to assist me. Ya, i wont tell her the truth also.. All these, however will only take place when im super duper tired.. How tired am i?
Well... i would say im close.. probably just a step from being super duper tired. Falling in love is like drinking a cup of Nescafe Black Gold.. When you first smell the aroma, you felt excited.. When you had ur first slip, you felt in 9th heaven.. When you finished it, you felt great and alert.. 4 hours later, you realise you are back in the same shit as before. *lol*. :P 
