  I think what the Bible is telling me I can be forgiven of all my sins, and I will no longer need to cower in the distance, afraid to face God. It is not good enough to agree to the theory though. I must use God in all actions to fully be able to forgive as He wants me to forgive. Forgiveness is not automatic. The Bible make it clear that there are some conditions we must meet to obtain God’s forgiveness. Like: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
Luke 6:31 Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37 The biggest meaning I can find why you should become a Christian is love. Love from God, love for yourself, and loving others, as you would like to be loved. Do to no one what you would want done to you. Tobit 4:15 (an obscure book of the old testament. ) One should seek for others the happiness once desires for him. (The Buddha) Buddhists believe that no matter what religion you follow, if you follow it well, the you will get a good after life. That is how I’m thinking it should be. Don’t totally believe yet, and as I learn more I might change my mind, but right now for this moment in time, this is what I want to believe. And for now, this moment is all that counts. He sought for others the good he desired for himself.
(The Egyptian book of the dead) What you would not want done to yourself, do not to others. (Confucius) In your dealings with others, harm not that you be not harmed. (Seneca) We should behave towards friends, as we would wish friends to behave toward us. (Aristotle) I want to find God and ask Him for healing and wisdom in my heart. I want God to take my anger and sadness away. Someone has told me that in the bible it mentions something about not being able to “name” god and that there are many ways to “refer” to this power because to “name” it is to have power over it, and this is something no human can do.
God has the power over us, not the other way around. Does the bible really say that, or is that someone’s interpretation of the bible? We all interpret things differently, so who can say what is right or wrong? I would like to believe that God knows my inner soul and heart and understands me well enough to accept any shape or form I choose to express my love and practice my faith with.
I would love to know that in my heart was the presence of a absolute, reliable, and relevant truth as displayed in scripture, that I could find there the guidance I need for the direction my life should go. After all, scripture is the truth by which I could base and live my life with. I think it is time that I embraced the truth of the scripture and started to live my life by it. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105 Thus saith the lord; let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the lord which exercise loving kindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the lord.
Jeremiah 9:23-24 Unfortunately for most of those who are here, life is not fair. Bad things happen, not just to us but everyone. There’s a Chinese proverb that goes something like this: a grieving man lost his wife and he went to the old wise holy man in the village to have him bring his wife back. The wise holy man told him that he would bring back his wife, but he needed to first bring him soil from a home that had not never known sorrow.
He figured, hey, piece of cake, and set off to find such a place, but every home he encountered he was met with a tale of woe, and he stayed and he helped at each one, and eventually he came back to the wise holy man and told him that he couldn’t find a home that hadn’t known sorrow. The holy man said it was because such a home didn’t exist, that everyone had known grief and loss in there lives, however, their pain was eased by the help the man had given them, and in turn the man had started to forget his own sorrow.
I wonder if the depression I have to deal with, the chemical imbalance I have had to deal with all my life, I wonder if I shouldn’t look at it as some sort of tool to use for God’s glory? I am having a hard time grasping the idea that is ok to direct negative emotions at God. That it is OK to be mad at God. That He understands all our feelings and emotions. After all we don’t live in a perfect world, at least not yet. If you look at the prophets in the bible, they spent a considerable amount of time crying out to God because of their circumstances. They speak out about being paralyzed with fear or doubt. How many times did they not speak of it, but it was in there heart? Probably more than we can count. What about Joseph? He is used as an example of great “faith” in the most self-esteem pounding circumstances one can imagine, but can we really guess what was in his mind? Did he get depressed, scared, worried, feel alone? Should we decide that he patiently and cheerfully sit in the dungeon for yet another two years while the cupbearer forgot his promise to put a bug in pharaoh’s ear?
Was all his wailing and tears upon reunion with his siblings due to the greatness of god? Wasn’t there maybe also some relief over the deep wound of betrayal and rejection he had faced? Was he not human like the rest of us, with emotions both good and bad? I know I have a certain amount of anger at God, because of the life I was dealt. But to tell God this? Sure He can see in my heart, so why do I have to confess it to Him? So I will know I have these feelings? That they are not feelings I need to beat myself up about. I know that my life has been hard. I know that sometimes I just scream out “God, please hear me, don’t let these demons hurt me again.” I mean isn’t He suppose to be this loving, hugely amazing being, yet let all this crap happen to me and others? Sometimes I use to wonder if He hated me. Now I am starting to see that maybe the “evil” is not from God trying to get even with me. I need to always remember that God loves me, no matter what I do and no matter how I feel about Him and the more hate and anger I hold inside myself, the less room I have for love and kindness. It takes time to come to peace with God and maybe I never will (I sure hope not) but letting go of the anger I have is something I really need to do, cause it tends to eat me up inside. And the peace I hope will follow after getting rid of the anger and then making peace with God will be well worth it.
Hat God for what He has done to me? Sometimes I think I get down right pissed at Him! For some of the things that He has allowed to happen to me and for some the things He has allowed me to do to myself and to others. Yet, I have to remember that on the seventh day God rested. That means He was done, He had made a world that could take care of itself.
And He did give me and all the other humans free will. Most of what ails this world today is a result of all our choices that did not follow God’s word. God will watch you be stricken, and will give you the strength to stand back up again. After the entire Bible tells us over and over again how big God’s love is for us. Do the best you can with what you’ve got and feel blessed for what you have. If something is standing between you and your faith, remove it from your life. God will gladly help you do that if you ask. “He himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8 
