  TOO MUCH PAIN TO LIVE The world today is so much like something I don't want to see. How can I be happy about having my grandchildren live in a world consumed by war and drugs and just really selfish people and I have to say "Look...look what me and my generation did for you".
I am appalled by my self and my generation. We pay young boys a measley salary to go to countries where they do not want us and be shot at. Let our lawmakers go over there and live on the salary that an enlisted man makes and be shot at. What is bothering me most today is our healthcare. I am 46 years old. I have severe depression and have had for many years. I make too much money to qualify for public help. There is no way in hell I can go to the doctor. Let me tell you what I ate today. I had some barbeque sauce. I do have some tea left in the cupboard and about a tablespoon of honey. That will be my dinner. I have slept for two days solid and I plan on going back to bed as soon as I write this.
What a life. I truely feel like there is some medical condition causing me so much pain but I can not afford to go to the doctor. I am not some lone case. Millions of people in America and most likely many here in Palm Beach County can not afford health insurance or can not afford to go to the doctor. A simple thing for many. I had someone from AA come over here today. A lady I did not know yelled at me for twenty minutes.
Have I been drinking? No. Have I been doing drugs? No. She was apparently trying to impress an old friend that I loaned money to who was with her. This is not the way to get to Gina's heart dear. She actually asked me if I owed any money to my old landlord (because he seems to not want me coming around there, I wanted so much to say no, I don't owe him or my old friend money...ask her how much she owes me. But like a good southern Lady, I said nothing. Last night the person who is supposed to love me called and accused me of having someone over or going home with someone.
This is someone who is supposed to love me. How can he not know how desperate I am? How sick I am? How appaling it is to think having sex at this point in my existance? I want a doctor! I want free health care. I want my children's children to be safe. I don't want any more pain. 
