  I talked to Alex last night, I have decided to let him do what he "wants" to do. I am letting him out of my life.
Yes, it's going to hurt yes, I cried, (yet again) but I'm done we did alot of talking. And I realized it's pointless to fight him. I even took him out of my phone in my cell that's how determined I am. I don't understand why. Even though he gave me every explaination in the book. I guess I'm sick of being so close to having something and it be destroyed.
If he were to call me and ask me to do something I'd do it for him. But I know he won't because he can't trust me. Damn, I'm going to cry again. Every time I think of him cry. He means the world to me. Which would make sence if I knew him well. But I don't know him, not really and I don't know why. He does, everyone does but me. Gr, damn it I'm so frustrated.
But I have to let him go. All I have are memories, and a fucking rock, (don't ask) thats it. I'm thinking of giving it to him but I don't know what he'd do with it. If he'd throw it out. Or what, I even have to let bill go in order to let Alex go because I know I'd ask Bill questions about him and I can't do that.
I really can't so I have to tell Bill off. Don't want to, but have to. Damn, I want him. That's all I want why did I have to come so close yet, loose everything once again why is it every time!! At least he never lied to me more than I can say about most people! I'm so close to cutting again... help don't want to cut... but it would ease the pain. 
