  For some strange reason last night I snapped... I called him... I got his voice mail, he never called me back. Is it a good thing he didn't call me or bad? I don't know what to think. I don't want to care.Just because It's driving me crazy.
I don't know what's worse fighting him and knowing he's some what okay. Or not knowing anything. I wonder when he's going to tenesse to visit his dad. Not sure why considering what his dad did. (I don't know much about that. ) I mean really what do I do?? I dunno. I want to see him. All I want is him in my life... all I ever wanted, but then again what I want doesn't matter. AHHHHHH!
!Okay I feel somewhat better... that will last five minutes. How can I want someone that I've known for seven months. How could I let myself feel anything. He broke the wall. Which I don't know how he did it. All know was I was sick of hiding who I was... damn I was SO FUCKING close to being happy. 
