  Was I still questioning or was I becoming one with my soul?? Although we have many religions in our world we seem to be uniformed in body and soul. The interesting thing that was and is still prominent with the direction of western medicine is the one level approach to healing. Live or die approach! I was unable to estblish that. This thought was only one dimionsnal. The live or die approach wasn't what attracted me to the craft of natural therapies.We are whole bodies existing with body and soul so when healing we should aproach our body and soul as one. We shouldnt segment ourselves. All I was positive about was my strong need to help. This need was over ridened by alot of my desires and thought patterns sculptured by the surrounding society and life.
The outstanding imbalance was still there but I hadn't followed my energy directions. I was asking questions about my unhappiness when I got married. Were would I go, the happiest day was tinted with doubt. Like many I stuck with it hoping time would change things for the better. People would say time will change things so I waited and things properably did change.Some of the signs that showed from my wife was her inability to understand change and to just love and be loved.
The big bomb was her brother being captured in Spain for trafficing illigal drugs. Earning money from peoples distruction disgusts me. Her family and herself were good at this and I should have let followed my inner self. To this day she still tries to take what really isnt hers. If your feel evil you should listen because it will eventually punish you. I was losing this inner spirit, my spiritual strength and direction that others were able to focus on. I am going to say it here early, "I now know that it was an inner energy that I shared in my clinic" in the early early days not knowing this or allowing it to teach me allowed me to have material success.
"something was missing". Dont get me wrong here I feel that material wealth and success can walk hand in hand with your spiritual direction. My clinic was very busy and the people came from all around to be treated by me. Still I had a shallow view or should I say closed view on what I was able to pass to the next person through my touch ,presents and conversation.
Unaware of my actions the way that was simple was to shut out negativeness and forge forward in my chosen industry. This wasn't working and the lesson signs were standing in front of me ( the more imbalanced I become, the less I could help people on all levels but I pushed them to the side to move on. ) Whoooo is was starting a war with myself. 
