  sounds like i'm a psycho cutter.  i'm not.  i'm a grown ass woman -  34 years old -  manager for a health services company.  never been married,
 don't have any kids.  come from a great family,  even w/  my parents having been divorced when i was age 15.  before i keep going -  this is my stream of consciousness.
 don't believe i have an evil heart,  but i am not a saint.  trying to figure out a few major things in my life,  while maintaining the career and the family -  mom,  sisters,
 cousins ( tons of 'em)  aunts,  uncles,  etc.  Again,
 not children.  trying my best to focus on the Lord instead of looking for a husband.  pretty good " resume"  -  accomplished,
 independent woman,  but i think the chickenheads out there seem to end up or " trapping"  the " good"  man.
 whatever a good man means.  trying not to settle for good enough,  but man.  biological clock is thinking.  didn't think i wanted children after being the eldest of 17 cousins -  probably babysat like 10 of 'em and a couple of other extended family's kids,
 but man o man.  i try so hard to be happy for other people having kids,  but i want my own.  i've been successful at not getting pregnant,  no std's,  because i want to have my children (
yes,  children w/  a " ren" after i've met someone who could be my life partner -  cheerleader,
 motivator,  and sometimes bodyguard/ conscience.  but don't know where the hell i'm supposed to find him.  go to the clubs practically every weekend -  YES I'VE HEARD THAT I WON'T FIND HIM THERE.
 but arent' there cool people like me who like to dance but aren't hoes?  anyways,  most of the guys at the club are age 26 or below.  not trying to be someone else's babysitter.  sheesh.  found God last year -
 He was always around -  just didn't give him props for all my accomplishments great and small.  Actually found God,  when I was trying to connive my way into a man's life -  guess this is what I get for trying to finagle my way into a man's life who was insisting on going to bible study when i wanted to hang out.  I done fell in love -
 well what I think is falling in love -  with this fool ( who i tried to lead away from bible study)  who has more drama ( i. e.
 kids which mean baby momma drama)  than most daycares.  originally had something racist -  well actually against a certain religion -  shows a bit of racism,  etc.
 but it made me halt the stream of consciousness go i had to go back and fix it.  anyways -  it's 12: 30 i gotta finish up exposing my drama later.  gotta finish up w/  scriptural quotes -
 from Pastor Hester -  i think he got it from the bible,  but i like it.  I HAVE FAIT IN DIVINE DESTINY;  I DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.  I HAVE ANNOINTING AND SPECIAL FAVOR.
