  Well, after pouring my heart out into a really long self-theraputic email to Sarah, I feel sort of drained, but I promised&nbsp;myself I'd write these things. Since I've been talking about it at some length today, and so that I may clear up any misconceptions or misunderstandings, consider this a final statement of my beliefs on this matter.&nbsp;As you may, or perhaps may not, know, I consider myself bisexual. Now, what does this mean to me? I want to establish exactly what I mean by my bisexuality in specific&nbsp;and what my feelings are on sexual orientation in general.
Starting in general, I think that everyone is bisexual to some degree, and that humanity is more open than our social mores allow. Now, stay with me here while I use a bizarre analogy. I don't like when people say that sexual preference is determined before one is born, like their entire life is pre-planned before they take their first breath. And I equally hate it when they say that preference is determined by upbringing, like I'm a puppet of my parents and movies and schooling. All of this is incredible oversimplification. Imagine this: that people said that vegetarians were determined by genetics when they were born, and that the heads of the beef and poultry industries said that instead it was determined by upbringing and they could be changed. So they embark on a mission of returning the vegetarians to their natural carnivorous state, but the "liberals" insist that the vegetarians are born so, and that trying to change them is wrong.
Do you see the ridiculousness? Do you? It's insane. Someone's sexual preference isn't hidden in a gene, nor is it entirely the result of teaching. It's something that is so completely a part of them that it's almost impossible to break down into it's constituent peices. It's as stupid as saying you can know what causes vegetarianism, or what causes people to prefer Pepsi over Coke, or why someone likes roller coasters or not, prefers to drive a stick shift or automatic. With that out of the way, I think that most people are more open to trying new things than they'd like to admit.
I have little patience with these strict labels or gay, bi, and straight, as though we must do some soul searching, and then this is what we are, this is our label, stick to it, it won't let you down. It's more complex than that. And I can't say when I realized when I was bi. It was a long, gradual process where I came to put a label on myself, on my feelings, emotions, and attractions. When I was young, I realized that there were gay people, and then I asked myself, do I like girls?
Yes, I do. Question settled. Or it was. Then, I would think about guys. Not really any particular guys, but about general attraction to masculinity as well as femininity. And for a while I just said I was curious. That I was straight but had an active imagination. And after a while, it dawned on me that there was little difference in what I was thinking and feeling and genuine bisexuality. This was about the beginning of tenth grade, and at this point I'd not had any emotional attraction towards anyone of the same sex as me.
For the sake of my male friends, no I don't have a crush on you, my only male crush was early this year, I don't really know him that well, and he doesn't read this journal, though I wouldn't care if he did. I no longer hide these things. One more thing on this topic: there was no coming out of any damn closet. I was flung from it kicking and screaming. I told a girl named Amanda whom I thought I loved, who then after she let me down, she somehow communicated this to her new boyfiend Daniel.
Now, I don't know the details of this, but somehow it came out, and though I doubt it, she might not be 100% to blame. However, Daniel is. He proceeded to tell everyone in ROTC about it because he thought it was fuckin' hilarious. Ass. So then for a while people would come up to me and ask in the hallway, and I'd just blow them off because it was none of their business. I would tell them if I knew them better, but they were just curious passers by. So shallow. 
