  I sent email to Transistion Man (TM), just saying that Thursday was off. He emailed back, asking if he had done something, I just said no. I know this is the right decision -- isn't it? I know I won't regret not getting laid, even though, during ovulation week, I'd sleep with just about anything. Why don't I sleep with Juan? Because I don't want to break his heart. I'm not ready yet, because I don't know if I really want a boyfriend. Sleeping with him would definitely, for me, make him The Boyfriend. And I can't, just can't, do more than one man at a time. I want to, really, but he's SO NICE. I can't be a bitch to him. I know we'll sleep together eventually -- hell, soon -- but I so don't want to rush or be rushed.
He's so romantic, it makes me nervous. Maybe all the compliments and so on are SUPPOSED to be part of dating conversation, and I've just never gone out with the right guy. But I'm not used to them, coming from the opposite sex, and it freaks me out. NO ONE has ever said these kinds of things to me. There's nothing unusual in what he says, just the fact that he says it. Over and over, I remind myself of what you've told me, that I'm remarkable and deserve someone who won't treat me with disregard. And I'm believing it. Thing is, until you said that, I thought TM's style of relationship was all I deserved. Now, I keep telling myself that I -- and TM -- deserve better. I want to be TM's girlfriend someday. We'd be pretty amazing together. I've pictured growing old with him, and it would be good. He's 53, so old age isn't so far away, although he's rangy and healthy now.
He has such a beautiful body, especially compared to Michael. He's thin, thin, and when he sits down without clothes, there are just little fabric-like ripples of skin at his waist, instead of a big, droopy mass of stomach fat and man titties, like Michael. Naked, TM is absolutely lovely. *sigh* Pathetic, aren't I? Seeing him yesterday, needing a haircut, a little tan, I wanted to take him behind the garage and blow him right there.
Like a f-ing moth to the flame. Not that I'm obsessing or anything. I'm thinking about Juan a lot too, and looking forward to when he calls, and looking forward to seeing him Wednesday night. I'm just going to close my eyes and do it. Maybe round can be cute and cuddly. I just hope so. 
