  " cause im broken when i'm open,  and i dont feel right,  but i am strong enough"  what can i say but.  fuck.
 sorry for that but under the circumstances i believe it was necessary to do so.  let me tell u why.  C+  and not just one,  but two.  only to add insult to injury.
 i was so sad about that result that i either wanted to punch a hole in a wall or just breakdown and cry.  That was the only time i was angry with myself for getting a really bad mark.  I wanted that A soo badly that it hurt,  and the worst thing is i studied for 3 days straight and still couldnt get it.  I'm not disputing the fact that i may know the material,  it is my inability to think laterally.
 The worst part was i didnt really want the A for the enter score.  at the moment im not thinking about the jobs or the unis or the large enter scores.  im thinking about respect.  people,  you may think that i am stupid but i know that most people dont take me seriously.  i mean my inability to be able to recall the most simplist information in the bio lab speaks for itself.
 i mean fully who doesnt know what the fuck genetic engineering is?  All i wanted was not just my family,  but my teachers and my peers to respect the work that i have done.  and i cant even get that.  and here is little Mr.  'sunshine on my fucking shoulders' ben beck flaunting his squeaky clean A+
 to everyone like he should get a fuckin medal or something.  i really would have liked to shove that A+  up his ass.  i see it that i have a life and he doesnt so thats my justification.  hehe.  all i really wanted was my parents/
teachers to say for once 'well done,  you did really well,  congrats'.  i for one know that ms crome doesnt take me seriously and probably wont until im long gone.  well actually ever.  even my parents dont take me seriously but ill get over that.
 one thing that gets to me is that everytime i say im gonna do well or have done well,  ppl dont believe me,  they dont take me seriously.  it really does hurt when even you ( yes u liga)  dont take me seriously.
 and dont bullshit me i know you dont.  oh im happy that u got an A and u deserved it,  every bit of it.  but i believe that i deserved one aswell.  u dont think i have sacrificed for a good mark.  oh believe me i have and have fallen very short evertime.
 I wanted that mark soo bad,  i deserved to have at least one A next to my name.  i have paid my dues and i just want my mark.  i want my fucking good mark.  but most of all.  i want to be taken seriously.
 no one takes me seriously,  so why should i.  If i had been writing this 3 days ago i would have been saying what is the point of trying anymore.  but ive found a reason.  and it my reason.  One thing i found really good was Ms Ray found me personally and said how sorry she felt for me cause she knew how much i sacrificed for it and didnt get it.
 i never thought i would say this but ms ray understood what i was going through.  and for that i personally thank her.  Monday was soo hard,  everyone got their A+ 's and there is me.  the black sheep with his C+
 hold on there were a few of us.  but still i felt alone.  not only did i fuck up one exam.  i fucked up 2.  yay team mattjew.  I mostly over it.
 cant do shit about it now.  as it goes " the worst is over now,  and we can breath again.  quotes were taken from the song broken by seether &  amy lee which i personally think if off the fuckin chart awesome.
 wooo " tomorrow is a new day,  you will find your own way,  you'll be stronger with each day that you try,  and then you learn to fly"  anywho im out.
 oh and by the way sceptor.  no its not jess u sick frrrrrrrrrrrrreeak.
