  My apologies for the jumbled nature of my post yesterday - it was scribble down in rather a hurry, a brain dump of sorts. Still, I shall leave it as it is. I got on to the subject of teenage rebellion, and think it's about time I clarified a few things about myself. I am not superhuman/freak enough not to be having a teenage rebellion at all, rather I am fortunate in that it happened around the year 7 time (aged 11-12.
) I would frequently get very angry with various injustices that were being done to me by teachers etc. - and they were injustices as far as I can remember, just I over-reacted. I'm not sure what prompted me to rebel so early, I think maybe a certain teacher. I shall keep her nameless to preserve her and my dignity. She was my form teacher, geography teacher and PE teacher. And I didn't like her. My mistake, however, was to make it quite clear to her that I didn't like her. Bad move Sam, you should have swallowed that pride. She then began to hate me, and of course in this hate-hate relationship we had to see each other several times a day, and she held all the power. And so I was treated unfairly, and I got very angry, and the situation escalated to the point where I actually walked home from school one day because I couldn't face her lesson. Things started to get better after that, and I've basically emerged on the other side since I came to this school.
The telling factor for me is that I actually live a happy life, as opposed to my constant anger and depression suring year 7. Kung-fu has helped (Yes you knew it had to come in somewhere didn't you? ), mainly in controlling my anger. I still get mildly pissed off from time to time, but it takes a lot to anger me. However, one time recently I was greatly angered, for the first time in a good few months, maybe even over a year.
I won't bore you with details, but the school was asking quite the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. They absolutely insisted that I play in a certain concert, on account of my being a music scholar, despite: 1. I hadnt practised in 2 months 2. I couldnt practise until the night of the concert because the instrument was being repaired. 3. I hadnt gone through it with the accompanist at all. 4. I had 5 1/2 hours of exams that day.
As a musician, I knew that this combination was potential for the most colossal fuck-up the world had ever seen. Yet they made me do it. As it was, it went rather well. I got lucky. But it still made me very angry. My housemistress seemed to think it was teenage rebellion, which is the relevance of this topic. It is not. That is simply me. Perhaps it is slightly immature, but I know that for the rest of my life if people force me to do such a ridiculous thing I am going to be angry at them. She then went on to say that I should talk to people more if i have a difficulty. I had told various relevant members of staff several times each that I did not want to play in this bloody concert.
And then she had the nerve to talk about me behind my back to the music teacher. The hypocrisy got to me even more. But further proof to myself that this was no longer teenage rebellion was that, as well as this anger being a rare event and reserved to very special occasions, I had also got over it sufficiently by the next morning to not let it affect my 4 exams. Of course, I was still angry inside, as I still am now and will be for a fair while. But I don't let it get to the surface.
Certainly at the time I showed my housemistress that I was angry with her, but it is easier for everyone if I now contain the annoyance in a small archive file in the back of my brain. I will always remember it, but it no longer bothers me. Forgiven, not forgetten I think is the phrase.
And so this is not teenage rebellion but my character itself. I shall improve my character as much as I can, and try to be the best person that I can be, but I categorically refuse to change who I am, because I am proud of my identity. My housemistress said at the time that I couldn't go behaving like this in 'the big wide world'. How right she was, but at the same time I knew that in 'the big wide world' I could refuse to do such ridiculous things, indeed I very much doubt I would be confronted with anything of that nature. And in 'the big wide world' people might respect my opinion and my decisions, and treat me like a fellow adult/human being, rather than just one of the faceless ranks who can play musical instruments, or whatever it may be. 
