  I have been meaning to visit back here and do a mind dump but lately have been busy and too lazy. I was just reading the last post and I must have been in a foul mood cause where I am sitting it is not that bad. I mean I still do the shit kicking stuff but I am slowly starting to believe in this product (especially if a few changes/improvements are made to it). (just a note...my head starts thinking one thing and then it goes somewhere else so please bare with me) During a meeting today we were discussing HDTV and SDTV. Some one was explaining the difference of the two and how they work and what makes them different etc. I was so excited about it, it really wasn't funny.
It just made me realise that I really like finding out about new technologies. I think that is why I decided to do a IT degree in the first place. I like finding out how things work and why they work. During this meeting I felt like I was exploring new territory and it felt absolutely amazing. I felt as though my brain was actually working. Thinking about it now....makes me realise that my brain is getting fat......it's not doing any exercise.
Don't get me wrong I do use my brain but I don't think I am using it to it's full capabilities. I am intelligent and reviewing what I do here at work makes me want to go out there and find a job where I actually use my intelligence a little bit more. I don't use the full power of my brain here at work. Crickey, the therapy is paying off :) I must admit though that I am sort of starting to use my brain by attempting to read a little bit more. That has been interesting the only problem being that I read 5 pages and then I go sleep. But at least I am trying.
Today is therapy day. Have been going to therapy for about 2 months now and it has done me a world of good. The weight that has been pulling me down for years now is slowly gram by gram coming off. The original start to this blog was...change is good....it's hard but it's good. Then I was going to ramble off about changing your diet and how hard it is at first. I believe that Therapy is changing your mind and it is hard.
I suppose a therapist is like a dietician. They teach you the good and bad things for your body. How to exercise and stuff like that. They retrain your eating habits. In my mind that is what therapist does except they retrain your brain. In a good way that is.
For many years, I have learnt to deal with things by myself. Tried many a times to share but just found it too hard. Ah anyway tooooo heavy these things are meant to be light and uplifting, perky. Work tomorrow is looking like a flop. Someone is leaving and as a result it will be a huge messy lunch. Don't know if I really want to go cause I don't really get on with the people at work.
I just feel out of place. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Gotta cut this one short.......therapy calls... By crickey what a session. It is funny how one minute it can be good and then wham the bad feelings hit you like a freight train. This session knocked me flat on my arse. It was really weird actually.
We had been discussing a whole heap of good things that had been happening and then wham it turned. We were discussing the child and the adult and was like a real out of body experience. It was not funny. I could actually see/feel the child within me. It was scared to come out but it did a little. Me the adult was trying to comfort this little girl who for so long had been hiding all alone.
it as like getting a scared animal to come and get a piece of food. I was physically patting my head to comfort myself.... It was totally weird...I can now see the little girl sitting in the corner of the room with her knees bend and her arms wrapped around them. Covering her face and I was doing during my session. It was quite moving. I could see her.
With the patting of her head slowly slowly she walked over to this person who was holding out her arms to her. But the littl girl was scared. Scared of what....not sure but she was scared. The weekend has finally landed.........so I better go and enjoy it........ 
