  I wish someone would just comment. Tell me that my poetry sucks, tell me that I'm wasting my time on Him. Just say anything, because I feel really alone right now, like I'm not really here... I was gonna do all of these things today but I never really got around to doing them so I just sat down, listened to the Smiths, and tried not to cry. I know everyone's thinking that I'm all sentimental and that my results from the emo quiz @ Fuali.com were totally right, but I'm not always like this. I just write in my blog when I'm in one of thes "moods. " But it's not really a mood. Sometimes a song is totally saying everything that you feel, and it's kinda uncanny.
That's the way it was when I cried along to Iris, and Here is Gone by the Goo Goo Dolls, and Asleep by the Smiths, and This Ride by the Starting Line, and I Don't Wanna Know by NFG. That's a good example, because right after my whole thing with Him I went home and I turned on Catalyst and I listened to that song. And everything thy said I felt, but that time it was a happy listen, cuz I thought that everything might still end up right, and the Handsworth thing wouldn't change anything.
But now everytime I listen to I don't Wanna Know it just makes me think of that moment and it makes me wish that I could live caught in that happiness, in those moments where nothing matters and it's OK to be naive. I wish that was what life was like. I wish that I could stop overanalysing situations, and stop being obsessive, and stop having my "rules" the way my brother says I should. I think I've lived my whole life with those "rules", and I haven't just thrown them away and been like "Fuck this.
How about I just have fun? " That's a hard thing for me to do. I don't know why...It shouldn't be, because I'm thirteen. That's what I'm supposed to be like but I'm so independant...too independant, and I like to make my own decisions, yet I always wait to long, thinking about the pros and cons of making the decision to actually make it. I get caught in between the do and the don't and when I've finally made my choice it's too late, because I'll have wasted too much time, and then I sit with my regrets and write melodramatic teenaged poetry.
Yes, I'm aware that a lot of my stuff is shit, except for the last one I wrote and Kansas...most of it's just me wallowing in self pity or whatever. But yeah. Just comment and say anything to remind me that I'm still OK........ 
